Hey friends, let’s talk about a topic that often goes unspoken—what it feels like to be in love when you’re also navigating the heavy weight of depression. Imagine walking around with a black cloud that only you can see, constantly whispering that you should just isolate yourself from everyone else. That’s what it can feel like.
After being in a relationship with my partner, Alex, for four years, he’s seen me at my lowest, including the tough time when I ended up in the hospital after attempting suicide. His unwavering support has been crucial in my healing journey, but the nasty voice of depression often tricks me into feeling like I’m a burden to him.
There are days when I feel utterly worthless, like I don’t even belong here. The joy in life seems to fade away, and I can’t even imagine a future because it feels so bleak. Smiling becomes a chore, and there’s this gaping void inside of me that nothing seems to fill. I put on a brave face, telling everyone I’m okay, while secretly battling thoughts about how the world might be better off without me. Sometimes, those dark moments make me think about ending it all.
It can be tough to understand what someone with depression is really going through. Many people, like me, manage to function on the surface. I still submit assignments on time, attend classes, hang out with friends, and even maintain good grades. But underneath, I’m struggling.
Alex and I are looking forward to getting married and building a life together, but that doesn’t mean I’m free from my battles with complex PTSD, depression, and those pesky suicidal thoughts. The cloud can loom over me even when I’m deeply in love. It’s frustrating when I can’t feel anything for him, and those dark spells can last weeks or even months. I become irritable, fatigued, and experience insomnia and a loss of appetite. My mind spirals into negative thinking, and I worry that Alex will eventually get tired of my struggles. Despite his reassurances, the demons of depression always seem to pull me back down.
But here’s the good news: the cloud doesn’t stick around forever, even if it feels that way. I fight to stay alive every day, and I’ve learned the importance of reaching out for help. Depression is part of my life, but it doesn’t have to define me or take away my future.
Sure, there are still days filled with anxiety, flashbacks, and painful emotions that make me feel like a victim again. But then there are those beautiful days when Alex and I have the absolute best moments together, where we uplift each other and become better versions of ourselves. Those are the days I live for.
Sometimes, I struggle to express my love for him, and there are moments when I can barely muster the energy to socialize. I might snap at him out of nowhere, and the shame that follows is heavy. Being in a relationship while grappling with depression is no easy feat, especially when getting out of bed feels monumental.
Yet, these ups and downs have only made our bond stronger. I’ve realized that reaching out for help is crucial; isolation only amplifies the pain. Everyone deserves to have someone in their life, and you can find excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination on sites like American Pregnancy and at Cryobaby.
If you’re interested in the journey of becoming a parent, check out this guide for more information on at-home insemination kits.
In summary, while being in love with depression can feel overwhelming, it’s important to remember that support, connection, and understanding can help navigate those dark waters.
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