This morning, as I was about to leave the house, my 3-year-old snatched a tangerine from the table and brought it to my partner. I was in the process of gathering my things, ready to bid farewell and head out the door when I heard him say, “Go ask your mom.” If I had been in the kitchen, it might have made sense, but I was nowhere near it, fully dressed and on my way to work.
“Go ask your mom.” Honestly, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that from a guy in my life, I could buy my own tropical island called “I DON’T CARE.”
Growing up, I can’t recall a single instance where my dad made a decision. I was always sent to my mom for answers. If she wasn’t home, I had to call her. If she was unreachable and it wasn’t a big deal, I had to wait until she came back. If it was urgent—like, “Dad, can I ride my bike to my friend’s house?”—he’d give me a hesitant yes but with a catch: “Just check with your mom when you can.”
My mom was the one who organized everything: appointments for the doctor, dentist, and even haircuts. She managed our schedules—school events, sports matches, and everything in between. She took care of our home, from laundry to meals, ensuring we had what we needed and were as happy as possible. And she did it all while working full-time.
If she ever felt the same frustration I do when my partner tells our kids to “go ask your mom,” she certainly hid it well. She made it seem effortless, and I know plenty of moms who do the same. But I’m not one of those moms.
I often wonder why dads default to the “go ask your mom” approach. What’s the intention behind it? Is it well-meaning? Should we appreciate it or take offense? Did they grow up this way too?
I have a few theories:
- Your Time is More Valuable
Take the tangerine incident, for instance. I was rushing to work while my partner was scrambling to get ready after oversleeping. Maybe he didn’t even think about what he said; he just said it. Sure, he didn’t have time to peel the orange or chat with our little one, but I was clearly busy too! It almost feels like my time isn’t as important. - I’ve Enabled You
It makes me wonder if I’ve taken on so much at home that he’s forgotten how to handle simple requests. Does he have a secret chart that always points to “Go ask your mom”? It’s frustrating because I know he can jump in and help anytime. - I’m a Scary Monster
Sometimes, after hearing him say “go ask mom” multiple times in a single hour, I start to think I might be a terrifying creature he sees. If I were that scary, I get why he wouldn’t want to engage. Toddlers, on the other hand, are all about getting attention, which makes it a strange dynamic. - You Think It’s Empowering?
When I mentioned this to a friend, she said, “It shows you hold all the power.” But what it really says is that I shoulder all the responsibility at home. Power isn’t about making decisions; it’s about handling all the day-to-day stuff. Just because one person manages most duties doesn’t make it empowering.
So, if you’re a dad reading this, please, let’s change that “go ask your mom” routine. Maybe try peeling that tangerine yourself or engaging more with your kids. And if you’re interested in how to take charge of your own family planning journey, check out this At Home Insemination Kit. For more insights into pregnancy and home insemination, Healthline is an excellent resource.
In summary, the “go ask your mom” phrase can be frustrating for many moms. It often implies that dads are sidelining their responsibilities or relying too heavily on their partners to manage family decisions. Open communication and shared responsibilities can help create a more balanced parenting dynamic.
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