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I’m Not Afraid to Be a ‘Tough Mom,’ Because I Don’t Want to Raise Jerks
by Jamie Carter
Updated: May 22, 2020
Originally Published: November 12, 2017
You know, there are days when my kids are seriously annoyed with me for one reason or another. Maybe I asked them to clean up the water they left in the bathroom or cut their video game time a little short. Sometimes I even have the nerve to ask them to pick up after the dog or take their dinner plates to the sink.
I can be a nagging mom, a strict mom, and at times, I might just be the strictest mom EVER.
Generally, I consider myself a pretty relaxed parent about most things. I say yes to a lot—screen time, sugary snacks, and staying up past bedtime. I don’t stress over their grades too much, as long as they’re trying their best and treating their teachers with respect. I overlook the socks strewn across the floor and let the state of their rooms slide. Honestly, I don’t even get worked up when the toilet seat is left up (which is almost always).
However, because I’m not keen on raising jerks, there comes a time when I must set some boundaries.
Sure, there’s whining, complaining, and the inevitable tears. They’ll tell me how their friends have endless Xbox marathons (which isn’t true). They’ll claim they’ll do their homework in the morning (spoiler alert: they won’t). And they’ll insist that Johnny from down the street doesn’t have to clean up after his nonexistent dog.
Let’s just say my kids are often moderately annoyed with me. We have a close relationship, and I genuinely believe I’m a safe space for them. But there are definitely moments when they’re frustrated with my expectations or outright angry about enforcing basic “rules.”
I’d be lying if I said being the strictest mom ever was always easy. It’s tough to have your kid upset with you over the importance of brushing their teeth or taking a shower. Yet, I’m okay with embracing the “tough mom” role because I know it’s essential. It’s just part of the parenting package.
Do I want a solid relationship with my kids? Absolutely. Do I want them to love and respect me? Yes, indeed. Do I want them to trust that I’m their greatest advocate and protector? You betcha.
But do I need to be their buddy? No thanks. I’m their mom, not their friend.
I don’t want to raise jerks, nor do I want them to be thoughtless individuals who lack manners or common sense. I want them to grow into kind and considerate people. That means sometimes I must establish limits, which means I have to be “tough” occasionally.
Honestly, I don’t need to be friends with my kids, nor do I want to be. Let’s be real—there’s no way I’d let a friend get away with the things my kids pull sometimes. It’s my job to help them become respectful and caring human beings, and part of that journey involves them being upset with me from time to time. Sometimes, I just have to be the world’s toughest mom.
I might annoy my kids by singing loudly in front of their friends. I won’t let them jump out of a moving car while we’re in the carpool line. I crush their dreams of living in a pigsty by insisting they take showers with soap. I remind them to brush their teeth and wear deodorant. Sometimes, I even dare to prepare a home-cooked meal or tidy up their baseball cards. Any of these actions can lead to eye-rolls or complaints. And goodness forbid there are consequences for their misbehavior—that’ll definitely earn me some “mean mom” points.
I find ways to annoy my kids countless times a day. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating; it’s more like hundreds. For example, I once annoyed them by putting cheese in a grilled cheese sandwich and cutting it into squares instead of triangles.
And if you need a guaranteed way to irritate a kid, just clean up the Legos they’ve left on the kitchen floor for days, claiming they were “still playing with them.”
But you know what? Annoying our kids comes with the territory. Being “tough” sometimes is simply one of the responsibilities that come with the privilege of being a mom.
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In summary, there are times when I have to embrace the role of the tough mom. While it may lead to some frustrations and eye-rolls from my kids, I believe it’s ultimately vital for their growth. I’m here to guide them to become kind, respectful individuals, which sometimes means stepping into the “mean mom” shoes.
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