Hey there! We all know how to support a friend with a common cold: a thoughtful text, a meal delivery, or some quality babysitting time. But when it comes to moms dealing with chronic illnesses, like my friend Laura, people often feel lost about what to say or do. And honestly, I can’t blame them. It’s tough to grasp something you haven’t experienced firsthand.
Having lived with chronic fatigue syndrome since I was 15, I can tell you that navigating motherhood with a chronic illness can feel like being on a different wavelength than other moms. I often feel isolated, especially since well-meaning friends sometimes just don’t get it. They don’t realize that on days when I’m flaring, even simple tasks like folding laundry can drain me entirely. Or that driving a mere five minutes to the store can feel impossible due to my fatigue and concentration issues. It can be frustrating when others don’t understand why I can’t go outside on hot days because my symptoms worsen.
Most people truly want to offer support, but they often miss the mark. If you know a mom battling a chronic illness, here are five things to steer clear of saying:
1. “It’s great to see you looking healthy!”
This one stings. Just because I might look okay on the outside doesn’t mean I’m feeling well inside. Instead of making assumptions, check in with how your friend is really doing.
2. “So, when are you going back to work?”
This question can be incredibly painful. After stepping away from my teaching career due to my health, I find it hard to discuss work. If you want to approach the topic, ask about their health instead. If they’re struggling, chances are work is a sensitive subject.
3. “Just let me know if you need anything.”
While this sounds kind, many moms with chronic conditions are already overwhelmed. Instead, offer specific assistance, like “I’m free on Fridays to help with grocery shopping if that would be helpful.” It shows you mean it and gives them a concrete option.
4. “At least you get to stay home with your little one.”
Though I cherish the time I spend with my daughter, it’s not always by choice. I didn’t opt for this lifestyle; it’s a necessity due to my illness. Instead, steer the conversation elsewhere—perhaps to something lighthearted like the weather!
5. “Are you planning for another baby?”
This can be a touchy subject. For many moms with chronic illnesses, expanding the family isn’t as simple as it seems. If you’re close with them, tread carefully when discussing this topic.
Of course, every individual is different, and not everything will resonate with every mom. But if you forget these points, don’t stress too much—your genuine intention matters most. Sometimes, just being there and offering real help can make all the difference. If you want to help a friend, consider actions that can truly support them. And if you’re looking for more info on fertility and insemination, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy or visit Make a Mom for more on the journey to parenthood.
In summary, understanding how to support a mom with a chronic illness can be tricky. Avoiding certain phrases and focusing on genuine offers of help can create a more supportive environment. Remember, the best approach is to listen, be there, and offer specific assistance when you can!
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