When I found out I was expecting my first child, Leo, I felt radiant. From the moment I saw that positive test, I had his name picked out and envisioned him as a little boy. My friend snapped beautiful maternity photos, and I spent hours reading and singing to my growing belly, eagerly awaiting his grand entrance into the world.
However, not everyone around me shared that excitement. My childless friends were quick to voice their opinions, claiming that parents only used their kids as excuses to leave gatherings early or head to bed by 8 PM. I was determined not to be that parent.
After a long, grueling labor, Leo was born at 1:15 AM on a Wednesday. I was utterly wiped out, but when I held him, all I could see was how beautiful and delicate he was. He had his dad’s chin and the cutest little nose. Yet, despite the joy, I didn’t immediately feel like a mother.
As the days turned into weeks, I realized it wasn’t just exhaustion holding me back. I was scared. In my effort to prove my friends wrong, I overcommitted myself, saying yes to everything except embracing motherhood. Visitors flooded the hospital room just hours after Leo’s arrival. A mere day and a half later, we hosted a gathering of friends at our home. I broke down in tears from sheer sleep deprivation and physical pain, yet that weekend, I strapped my tiny baby into a carrier and took him to church. I refused to let anyone think I was using him as an excuse to shy away from life.
Seven weeks later, I returned to work. I had no choice, so I steeled myself not to cry as I left him and his dad asleep at home. I managed to smile at photos of him, but deep down, I felt like I could never allow myself to cry. I feared that if I did, I would lose control and become “that kind of mom.”
Two years passed, and I finally faced the truth: motherhood had changed me, and I couldn’t maintain my old life while fully embracing my role as a mom. I needed to come to terms with the loss of my pre-parenting self and the bittersweet moments of missing out on Leo’s early days while I was at work. But those feelings of longing also opened the door to the joy of motherhood. I realized that to truly feel the joy, I had to allow myself to experience everything—good and bad.
When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I made a promise to myself: I would say no to anything that didn’t revolve around my baby and family.
Labor began on a beautiful Thursday, and as Leo and his dad worked on Easter eggs in the kitchen, I lay down, focusing on my breathing and channeling positivity. I remained in that spot until my second son was born, and that moment always brings a smile to my face.
We attempted breastfeeding, but it was challenging. I sought help, and my fellow moms showed up with meals. I declined visitors and kept the house serene, allowing my newborn to eat, sleep, and giving myself the chance to rest. For the first time in a long time, I started to feel like a mother, and I embraced it. When I went back to work, I still couldn’t cry, but I let gentleness and nurturing flourish within me.
It turns out that truly feeling like a mother came down to what I allowed myself to do. I learned to prioritize my children and my own needs.
So, here’s your permission slip, new mamas. Listen to that instinct of yours—do what feels right for you and your little one. After giving birth, you can absolutely say no to visitors and well-wishers. Just because someone brings you food or offers to help doesn’t mean you owe them a lengthy chat or time with your baby. No one has the right to hold or even touch your child without your say-so.
You don’t have to feel guilty about skipping parties or events if you’re still navigating the early days of motherhood; the fleeting moments with your infant are irreplaceable, so why rush? I wish I hadn’t let the opinions of those without children sway my parenting choices. I wish I had cared less about what others thought when I left a party early. Kids have bedtimes, and let’s be honest—mamas get tired from chasing them around. Who has time for unsupportive people anyway?
If your friends or family are causing more stress than joy, it’s perfectly okay to set boundaries. The limits we create are our way of protecting the ones we love. We decide who gets to be in our little circle and how long they stay.
If you’re hesitant to say no, consider asking your partner or a trusted friend for backup. They can help convey your “thanks, but no thanks” message more easily.
So, mamas, take this as your green light. Go ahead and embrace quiet moments at home. Accept meals, send visitors away, draw the shades, snuggle, and take the time to enjoy these precious days. The world can wait, and we’ll be right here when you’re ready to rejoin it.
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Summary
Motherhood is a profound transition, and it’s essential to prioritize your needs and your child’s during this transformative time. Saying no to visitors and outside pressures can help create a nurturing environment for both you and your baby. Trust your instincts, embrace those quiet moments, and remember that it’s okay to set boundaries.
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