November is National Adoption Month, a time when adoption is celebrated alongside a season of gratitude. I’ve always appreciated that this month is recognized by a presidential proclamation, adding an official touch to the cause.
My family is formed through adoption, but we don’t label ourselves as an “adoptive family”; we’re simply a family. Our most recent adoption was finalized over four years ago, and while there are elements of our journey that surface in our daily life—like breakfast chats about “birth mothers” or “adoption days”—most of our life is pretty standard. Just like yours, I imagine, except our public outings sometimes spark questions like, “Did my birth mom have brown eyes?” or “Why was I adopted?” It can be tough.
As a parent, I strive to be open and supportive. I want my kids to feel good about their adoptions, but sometimes those serious conversations happen at the most inconvenient times—like in the middle of Target! You can’t just brush aside their questions because it’s not the right moment.
About the Presidential Proclamation
Now, about that presidential proclamation. I’ve always felt proud of the recognition it brings to adoption. I appreciate seeing awareness extended to a broader audience, and I hope it inspires families to consider adoption as a viable option.
Adoption is a beautiful yet complex journey filled with mixed emotions. While I love that November shines a light on this important topic, I do take issue with this year’s proclamation wording. The statement read, “Adoptive parents are a selfless and loving part of God’s plan for their future children.”
My response? BARF.
To be honest, I’m not selfless. My husband and I chose to adopt because we wanted children. It was a decision born from desire, not self-sacrifice. I had to persuade my husband that this was the right path for our family, but ultimately, we adopted because we wanted to be parents—plain and simple.
There’s nothing selfless about that choice. I was not looking to save anyone; I was looking to fill my home with the laughter of children again after my daughter left for college. Honestly, it felt a bit selfish.
Also, I don’t believe our adoption was part of “God’s plan.” As a Christian, my faith has certainly guided me through the challenges of adoption. But I don’t think it was God’s intention for my boys to experience abandonment or for me to have heart-wrenching conversations with a 7-year-old about why his birth mom didn’t keep him. That level of pain doesn’t feel like divine planning.
Adoption was our choice, guided by our faith and supported by countless glasses of wine and chocolate. I’m not the answer to any divine plan; I’m just a mom doing her best.
A Call for Reassessment
Mr. President, I appreciate your acknowledgment of National Adoption Month, but I think you need to reassess your wording. Consider reaching out to adoptive families to get a clearer picture of what motivates us to adopt.
I’m thankful for many things this November, but let’s be clear: I’m not selfless, and my children’s place in my family isn’t a result of divine intervention. I’m a dedicated mom, and it’s important to celebrate the complexities of adoption without glossing over the difficult truths.
Adoption encompasses many emotions and experiences. It’s beautiful, messy, and yes—complicated. To label it simply as “God’s plan” is a misunderstanding. And calling all adoptive parents “selfless” feels like a miss, too.
I truly hope your proclamation encourages families to consider adoption, but I’d love for it to accurately represent the realities involved. For those interested in starting their journey, resources like Make A Mom can provide valuable insights, including at-home insemination options. You can also check out this informative guide on how at-home insemination works.
Ultimately, being a parent is one of the most important roles many of us will ever have, and I’m proud to be part of that community.
Summary
The president’s statement for National Adoption Month presents a narrow view of adoption, labeling adoptive parents as “selfless” and framing adoption as part of “God’s plan.” This perspective oversimplifies the complex realities many adoptive families face. Adoption should be recognized for its beauty and challenges, and the focus should be on the motivations behind choosing to adopt. Resources are available for those considering adoption, including Make A Mom for at-home insemination options and support.
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