When my daughter started preschool, I was taken aback by a unique sharing policy they had in place. While I was busy filling out forms, the staff explained that if a child was playing with a toy, they didn’t have to share it just because another child asked. They could choose to share, but if they were focused on their play and didn’t feel like giving it up, they could simply say no.
Honestly, I was stunned. Growing up in the 80s and 90s, I was raised with the mantra of “You have to share!” echoing in my mind. I might have even gasped in disbelief. But as the preschool teachers elaborated, since implementing this policy, they noticed a significant decrease in conflicts, tattling, and the general chaos that comes with managing a group of preschoolers.
Think about it: Imagine you’re at your favorite coffee shop, happily typing away on your laptop, when a stranger comes up and demands a turn on it. If you politely refuse, they might complain to the staff, who then takes your laptop and hands it over. It sounds absurd, right? Yet, that’s essentially what we expect from kids when we insist they share their belongings.
Of course, I’m not advocating for a lack of sharing altogether. There are certainly public spaces, like playgrounds, where sharing is crucial. If my kid is hogging the swings while others are waiting, I’ll encourage her to let someone else have a turn. But when it comes to personal belongings or activities they are engaged in, it’s vital to teach them about boundaries.
Sure, sharing is an essential skill, but it should not be enforced at every moment. I want my kids to learn that it’s okay to say “no” when they need to prioritize their own time or space. Growing up with the mindset of always having to share made me a people-pleaser, and I don’t want my children to feel pressured to give up what’s theirs just to keep the peace.
I also don’t want to raise kids who are completely selfish, of course. Teaching them to value relationships and to share when it’s reasonable is important. It’s great to help others and share resources, whether it’s helping a friend in need or donating to charity. We want to nurture kids who understand empathy, not just those who comply with arbitrary rules of sharing.
If we could adopt a sharing policy like the one at my daughter’s preschool, it might create a generation of kinder individuals who understand that they won’t always get what they want immediately. Life isn’t fair, and learning that lesson early might make the transition to adulthood a bit smoother.
So, here’s to teaching our children the balance of sharing and boundaries. If they’re equipped with this knowledge, they’ll be better prepared for life’s challenges, whether it’s in college, the workplace, or even in their future relationships.
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In summary, it’s important for kids to learn the value of sharing while also understanding the significance of personal boundaries. Striking that balance can lead to more empathetic and well-adjusted adults.
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