I’ve been reflecting on our friendship, and I want to share what’s been weighing on my heart. I miss you, and I love you, yet it feels like we hardly connect anymore. We often joke that life is just so busy, especially now that we’re in our 30s with careers and kids. We keep saying, “This month for sure, we’ll find time to hang out,” but when the month ends, we find ourselves laughing through texts, pushing that meet-up to some undefined future. Deep down, I worry if we’ll ever truly reconnect.
The Changes in My Life
The truth is, things have changed for me. Our lives have taken different paths, and while we’re still best friends, there’s a hesitance in our conversations. I adore your kids and love our time together, but the reality is that I’m in a different place. I’m grappling with my son, Max, who has autism. His diagnosis has turned my world upside down, and some days, I feel like I’m just trying to hold on.
Apologies and Overwhelm
I need to apologize. I’m sorry for not making plans with you and for frequently canceling. It really is me, not you. I woke up at 3:00 a.m. with Max today, and that’s just part of my daily routine. Some mornings are tough—physically restraining him or managing his meltdowns is exhausting. I’ve stopped sharing the tough details because I fear sounding dramatic or like I’m complaining. I know you’re a good friend, and when I share, you often offer solutions that just don’t fit my reality. So I’ve withdrawn.
This has led me to ignore your calls and let texts pile up. I’m overwhelmed and often lack the energy to respond. If we do manage to chat, I hesitate to commit to plans. Max’s needs are unpredictable and can change on a dime—there’s a lot I can’t control. I remember when we used to go out for playdates, and I felt the stress while you enjoyed your kids. You’d talk about things like potty training and preschool, while I was preoccupied with therapy appointments and hoping Max wouldn’t hurt himself or others.
A Commitment to Max
I made a commitment to Max, and I was forced to say goodbye to a lot of my social life. It felt like I had to choose between two worlds—my son’s reality and my past life. The weight of his condition is heavy, and it overshadows everything, including our friendship.
I realize I’m not the friend you once knew. I used to be carefree and fun-loving, but now, I feel that strain between us. I miss you and the connection we used to have. I know you might feel awkward around me, unsure of what to say. Please don’t hesitate to share your kids’ successes—I love them like my own, even if it stings a little.
The Shift in Our Friendship
Looking back, I can see the shift began when Max was born. Before that, we were so similar, navigating the college years and preparing for motherhood together. But suddenly, I found myself labeled as an autism parent, and that label felt like a burden I had to carry. I watched as the differences between our children became glaringly obvious, and I felt invisible in our friendship.
I started to withdraw as I faced the challenges of autism head-on. While you were celebrating milestones, I was stuck in a world of therapies and doctor visits. I know you love Max, and you’ve been supportive, but I felt like I was slowly fading away. I stopped reaching out and lost the ability to connect.
Intentions and Overwhelm
I want you to know that even though I may not reach out often, I wake up every day with the intention of connecting with friends. But as the days go by, I often find myself overwhelmed. I see your updates about your son joining tee-ball or karate, and it hits me hard. I’m over here researching special needs strollers while you’re celebrating your child’s achievements. It’s not that I’m upset with you; I’m just not in that space right now.
Gratitude and Hope
I’m grateful for your patience and understanding. Autism is my reality, not yours, and I appreciate you standing by me. I hope you won’t give up on our friendship. I know I’ll find my way back to being me, and we can return to our old selves. I believe there is a future where we reconnect, even if Max and I are still navigating our journey.
Resources for Family Expansion
For anyone interested in exploring at-home insemination options to expand their families, consider checking out a free sperm donor matching group on Facebook or learn more about Make A Mom, which offers a reusable insemination option. Their guide on how at-home insemination works is super helpful. And if you’re looking for a great artificial insemination kit, the Impregnator is a fantastic resource. Another option is the Cryobaby kit, an authority on this topic. For those wanting to learn more about the process, Wikipedia has comprehensive information about artificial insemination.
In Summary
I miss you and our friendship. My life has changed significantly, and I’m navigating the challenges of being a parent to a child with autism. I appreciate your steadfastness and hope you’ll continue to be patient with me as I work through this. I believe we can reconnect, even if our paths look different right now.
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