When my son was little, he was anything but easygoing. Everything needed to be just right for him, and if it wasn’t, he would make his displeasure known—loudly.
Even as a baby, he had strong reactions. One time when he was six months old, he was happily pulling up dandelions in the yard. When it was time to head inside, I picked him up and he erupted into a full-blown wail, shaking his tiny fists in anger while casting longing glances at the flowers we were leaving behind. Setting him back down brought a beaming smile to his face, but picking him up again triggered another round of wailing, complete with angry red splotches on his cheeks. It amazed me that a baby could express such frustration over leaving an activity. This kid had some serious feelings about those dandelions!
His challenges didn’t stop at transitions. Once we introduced solid food, his pickiness became apparent. If a food didn’t meet his very specific preferences, he would turn his nose up and firmly shut his mouth. And clothing? Don’t even get me started—no tags, nothing itchy. He was always complaining about being too hot or too cold.
As a toddler and into his early school years, he had epic tantrums that felt impossible to navigate. His emotions would skyrocket in an instant over the slightest upset. Honestly, his intensity could be overwhelming at times. Like many parents with spirited children, I found myself blaming my parenting skills for not being able to handle him better, often feeling like I was dealing with a tiny tyrant trying to control everything.
Despite these challenges, he was a wonderful child to parent. He was bright, creative, and had a vivid imagination. He learned to read at three and was working with fractions by age four. He even tested as “highly gifted” before kindergarten. Yet, his intensity left me puzzled for a long time. I often labeled him as “stubborn” or “strong-willed,” but recently, I stumbled upon Dr. Elaine Aron’s work on highly sensitive people (HSPs).
I recognized some of myself in her description—I’ve always been sensitive, needing quiet and feeling deeply. It was eye-opening. I realized that I wasn’t just different; I fell into the 20% of the population with that sensitivity gene. Initially, I didn’t consider that my son might share this trait. Although he could be self-absorbed and wasn’t particularly shy, he checked off many boxes on the highly sensitive children’s checklist. His sensitivities to food, smells, and textures, along with his intuitive nature and perfectionism, were all there.
Dr. Aron emphasizes that highly sensitive individuals are entirely normal, but often misunderstood. Had I too misunderstood my son? Maybe he wasn’t just a difficult child, but rather a sensitive soul who experiences life more intensely. I questioned if I had been too hard on him. While I understood his stubbornness stemmed from his gifts, I often struggled with patience. As a fellow sensitive person, his intensity was challenging for me to handle.
Now, at ten years old, he’s growing into a thoughtful, mature young man. He’s learned to manage his emotions better and can recognize when he’s being unreasonable. While he still has moments of competitiveness and independence, those epic tantrums are a thing of the past (thank goodness!).
As he heads into middle childhood, I’ve noticed how deeply he thinks about various issues, from school worries to global concerns. He’s attuned to the subtleties of those around him and often needs help processing his feelings. I’m grateful he sees me as a confidante, someone he can talk to about everything on his mind. Despite my past impatience, our bond remains strong. After all, we are both highly sensitive individuals, loving deeply and feeling profoundly.
Like any parent, I hope the world treats him gently. I want to help him see his sensitivities as strengths, guiding him through life’s challenges and accepting him for the remarkable person he is. And if you’re considering parenthood yourself, resources like Make a Mom’s matching group and their at-home insemination options can help you on your journey. Check out how at-home insemination works and explore their intracervical insemination syringe kit for more information. Plus, their 18-piece at-home insemination kit is an authority on this topic. For further insight on fertility, I recommend listening to this podcast from the Cleveland Clinic.
In summary, understanding my son’s highly sensitive nature has transformed our relationship. By recognizing his unique traits, I can support him better as he navigates a world that can feel overwhelming at times.
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