So, you’re gearing up for potty training? Ha! Get ready for a wild ride.
First off, grab a poster board and some Sharpies. You’ll want to neatly mark the days of the week because, trust me, your little one will throw a fit if those lines aren’t perfect. Next, stock up on a mountain of stickers—around 3,000 should do. Your toddler will need options like Star Wars, Peppa Pig, Paw Patrol, and Justice League. Yes, you read that right.
Now, it’s time to pick out your toddler’s favorite underwear. Spoiler alert: you’ll probably end up buying way more pairs than necessary. Thanks, Target, for the endless choices of licensed undies.
Drive home, and get ready for a weekend of chaos. You might just want to make a quick detour to the liquor store because you’re gonna need it.
Unpack all those underwear because your child will manage to pee just a tiny bit in each one. Your resolve will be tested like never before. Seriously, you’ll find yourself repeating, “This is worth it. This is worth it.” Your toddler is likely to sprout little horns and might even pee on you—once, or maybe 20 times. Who knows?
Your partner, who woke up with the same enthusiasm, may either rally with you or retreat for some peace and quiet, leaving you to handle the situation. Your older kids will try to help, but honestly, they’ll just get in the way. Expect complaints about M&M’s, stickers, and lack of attention.
At some point, your toddler will launch into a nonsensical monologue about how much they adore diapers and how cruel you are for taking them away. Classic.
And then, at long last, your toddler will manage to pee for a glorious second in the potty. You’ll be so ecstatic that they’ll stop mid-stream and then pee on the floor ten minutes later. Back to square one!
But, eventually, they’ll start using the potty consistently. After what feels like an eternity of training (but is really just a few days), you’ll finally emerge victorious. Sure, they’ll still wear pull-ups during naps, bedtime, and some Sundays—because let’s face it, they know how to work the system.
You’ll be mostly free of diapers—until they start wetting the bed after being shown a scary movie by an older sibling. And so, life goes on.
The end. You’re welcome.
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Summary
Potty training a 3-year-old can be chaotic and testing, but with patience and a good supply of stickers, it can also be rewarding. Prepare for mishaps, meltdowns, and a few triumphs along the way. And if you’re considering starting a family, explore options for at-home insemination and fertility resources.
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