I never imagined I’d find myself saying this, but I genuinely miss my ex-mother-in-law. I know it sounds odd, but every day, and especially during Thanksgiving, I think about her.
For a significant part of my adult life, I celebrated Thanksgiving with my ex-husband Tom’s family. We started dating back in college, and since my family lived too far away for regular visits, our first Thanksgiving together was at Tom’s childhood home.
My First Thanksgiving with the Johnsons
I can clearly recall my first Thanksgiving with the Johnsons, even after all these years. About thirty people gathered, arriving hours before the feast was ready. The house was overflowing with food — turkey, ham, an array of pies, pickle trays, and chocolates. Football games echoed from multiple TVs, and kids sprawled out on the kitchen floor, right in the action. Everyone brought their dogs along. The atmosphere was warm, boisterous, and the smells were incredible. I came feeling a bit isolated but quickly found myself embraced by the welcoming spirit of my future mother-in-law’s home.
The festivities lasted all day, including neighbors, friends, and distant relatives — all connected to each other, and to me. The next morning, we continued the fun with leftover pie for breakfast and extravagant turkey sandwiches for lunch. No one rushed off to tackle real-life responsibilities; we simply enjoyed being together.
A Different Kind of Thanksgiving
That was a world apart from how my family celebrated Thanksgiving. We gathered for a turkey dinner, and after loading the dishwasher, everyone went on with their lives. It was fine; I didn’t realize I was missing something until I experienced the joy of my mother-in-law’s Thanksgivings. Kathy made it clear that Thanksgiving was her favorite holiday, and she was on a mission to share that love with everyone around her.
Kathy truly shone during Thanksgiving. She was warm, loving, and generous from the very beginning. Since I loved Tom, she embraced me wholeheartedly. A fantastic cook, she turned food into expressions of love and cherished memories, making everyone’s favorite dishes. She was incredibly giving, often leading me to advise her, as first-time mothers do, about not spoiling our little one, Max (which she blissfully ignored, as any good grandmother does). We spent weeks each year visiting them in their seaside town, and Kathy and I would chat almost every day about everything — kids, careers, and marriage. I loved her dearly; she was like a second mother to me.
The Impact of Divorce
When Tom and I separated in the fall, I sent our kids with him for Thanksgiving that year. It was important to me that they experience the holiday they loved. I missed everything about it—Tom, the kids, and especially Kathy—so deeply that I couldn’t get out of bed for three days. I texted Kathy to express my love and gratitude for keeping the kids happy and safe. To my surprise, she called me and shared that she was thankful for having me in her life.
Sadly, that was the last meaningful conversation we had.
In the years that followed, I kept reaching out to Kathy. I shared updates about the kids, sent her pictures, and asked for her advice when traveling. I sent birthday cards and flowers on Mother’s Day from me and the kids, and occasionally asked her for recipes. I cherish her for being such a wonderful grandmother to our children and for the kind mother she was to me.
Navigating Change
However, things have changed. Divorce is like a pebble tossed into water, sending ripples throughout the family, and everyone navigates their own path. I can’t assume that just because Tom and I have found a better place, my relationship with Kathy will also be the same. The bond we had, rooted in my marriage, has taken a different direction. She remains a mother figure in my memories.
As Thanksgiving approaches, I often feel a wave of sadness. I feel a bit lost and out of place again. For nearly two decades, I spent this holiday with the Johnsons. I miss that lively, dog-friendly home, the delicious food, and most of all, my mother-in-law.
Creating New Traditions
Yet, a part of me still feels like her daughter, and I learned a lot from her. Now, I host my own Johnson-style Thanksgivings, filled with laughter, kids, and comfort. I use Kathy’s recipes and fill my counters with food. My oldest even makes the family green bean casserole, and my not-so-little one bakes a chocolate pecan pie. We make use of ovens all over town, and everyone brings a dog or two. Some things have changed (no football here), but the love and memories still shine bright.
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Conclusion
In summary, I deeply miss my ex-mother-in-law and the Thanksgiving celebrations we shared. However, I carry forward her spirit by creating my own traditions, filled with love and connection.
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