Long before we were all binge-watching our favorite series, I was on a weight loss journey with Weight Watchers. It was a game changer for me because I could still indulge in treats, and I took my snack scouting very seriously. But one fateful day, my sweet tooth led me down a slippery slope—literally.
Picture this: it was a bright, sunny Friday, and I was set to clock out of my publishing gig in the city at 1 p.m. After a week of sticking to my diet, I decided to swing by the drugstore for some candy reconnaissance. That’s when I spotted a bag of Sugar-Free Jelly Belly Sours. I flipped it over, and with only 200 calories for the entire bag, it felt like a major score. “Perfect!” I thought. Little did I know, I was about to take a wild ride.
I devoured the entire bag—yes, at 9:30 a.m., but who’s judging? They were delicious! A little while later, I checked the nutrition info again and was hit with a shocking warning: “WARNING: CONSUMPTION MAY CAUSE STOMACH DISCOMFORT AND/OR LAXATIVE EFFECT. INDIVIDUAL TOLERANCE WILL VARY; WE SUGGEST STARTING WITH 8 BEANS OR LESS.” Excuse me? Eight jelly beans? Who does that? I had easily consumed seventy.
I should have heeded the warning, but it wasn’t something I thought to look for on candy. Honestly, if they were truthful, they should have labeled those beans as “ass bullets.” I quickly Googled to see if I was the only one, and to my horror, I found countless accounts of others who had made the same mistake. The sugar alcohol they use is notorious for wreaking havoc on your insides.
With a train to catch at 1:30, I glanced at the clock—it was only 11 a.m. I felt okay at first, but as the minutes ticked by, my stomach began to gurgle ominously. My body was making sounds that I can only describe as apocalyptic. Suddenly, I was in full-blown emergency mode: CODE BROWN!
As I was trying to stay calm, I felt like a ticking time bomb. I clutched my stomach, praying I wouldn’t have a disaster on the train. I could barely focus on the music in my headphones as I shifted in my seat, desperately trying to keep the impending doom at bay. I made some serious promises to the universe.
Fast forward to my arrival at the station. My husband was revving up the car, ready for a speedy getaway. I hopped in, and it was clear: there was no time to waste. We sped home, and I barely made it inside to the bathroom. Let me tell you, I can’t even begin to describe the relief I felt—let’s just say it was a life-altering experience.
Since that day, I’ve learned to check for warning labels more carefully. Now, I even joke with friends about using these jelly beans as a colon cleanse—much tastier than that awful stuff you have to drink before a colonoscopy!
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In summary, watch out for sugar-free jelly beans—they may seem harmless, but they can lead to some serious digestive distress. And always, always read the warning labels!
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