My 10-year-old son, Jake, is witty, kind, and sensitive. He’s a great kid, and I like to think I’m a decent mom. We’re your typical suburban family—white, middle-class—living a pretty standard life filled with sports, music lessons, and playdates. Most days, everything feels just fine, but I recently got a wake-up call that made me rethink how I’m raising him.
After hearing about a public figure, Mark Thompson, facing serious accusations of sexual harassment, I felt a mix of disgust and disappointment. It was shocking but not entirely surprising—after all, these stories have become far too common in our culture. I found myself questioning how someone like Mark, who built a career on integrity and truth, could justify such behavior towards women.
That’s when I took a hard look at my own parenting. I realized I had been unintentionally coddling Jake simply because he’s a boy. I’ve let his outbursts slide and allowed him to treat his younger sister, Mia, as if she’s beneath him. I’ve noticed the same patterns I despised growing up, yet here I was repeating them. I’ve given him a pass on his behavior, reinforcing the idea that because he’s a boy, he can get away with more, which is essentially the foundation of sexist attitudes.
Michelle Obama once said, “We love our boys and raise our girls.” It really hit home when she added, “We raise [girls] to be strong, and sometimes we take care not to hurt men—and I think we pay for that a little bit.” I often find myself softening my words with Jake, worried I might be too harsh, while I don’t hold back with Mia.
I’ve been hesitant to set firm consequences for his actions. He’s still grappling with having a younger sibling, and sometimes he lashes out at Mia, belittling her when she’s excited about something. I call it out as bullying, but I don’t follow through with real consequences. I also haven’t taken the time to discuss the privileges he enjoys as a white boy in our society. It’s crucial that he understands his privilege and learns to respect others, especially those who are marginalized.
Living in our homogeneous community makes it even more important for me to instill these values. Jake is influenced by the boys around him who think it’s acceptable to tease and belittle girls. Bad behavior tends to perpetuate itself, and it’s not just “boys being boys” when they disrespect others.
As Jake navigates the challenges of puberty, I’ve found myself searching for reasons behind his anger instead of addressing it. I often ask myself why society allows such disparities between men and women. While I try to empower Mia through reading about feminism and even starting a Girl Scout troop, I recognize that I need to tackle Jake’s behavior head-on. This involves having serious conversations about sexism and the weight of his privileges as a white male.
I plan to have more discussions about these issues while making sure he faces consequences when he’s unkind or abusive. I won’t ignore his behavior anymore just because he’s a boy.
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To wrap it up, I’ve realized that I need to change my approach to parenting Jake. It’s essential for him to understand the consequences of his actions and how to treat everyone with respect. By having these conversations about privilege and sexism, I hope to raise a more empathetic individual who contributes positively to society.
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