Last night, after dinner, my kids darted off to play with the neighbors or ride their bikes before bath time, leaving me with my ten-year-old, Max. I had chores to tackle, but it felt like one of those moments when the tasks could wait. So, I decided to spend some quality time with him, just the two of us.
We settled on the couch and started scrolling through old Facebook photos – kind of like flipping through a family photo album, but way more modern. I focused on the ones featuring him, like that hilarious moment when he looked down his pants and shouted, “Mom! I’m growing facial hair!” We laughed until our stomachs hurt. It was a beautiful reminder of how adorable and funny he used to be, while also enjoying the clever, witty fourth grader he is now. He leaned into me, soaking up the undivided attention like a sponge. These moments were essential for both of us.
As a mom with four kids, it’s nearly impossible to have a conversation with one without another swooping in for attention – whether it’s a question, a tattle, or a “Hey mom, check this out!” It’s just the reality of a busy household, but it can be frustrating. If I had a dollar for every time I said, “Just a minute, please, I’m talking to your sister,” I could probably afford a vacation! They all want a piece of me, and in the name of convenience, they often end up being treated as a single unit: The Kids. We’re taking The Kids for haircuts. The Kids are heading to the carnival. The Kids have dentist appointments on Wednesday.
While our family unit is incredibly important, it’s crucial to remember that each child is an individual with unique needs. They require my attention on a personal level too. Connecting with them as individuals helps me appreciate their unique qualities and reminds me of the special traits they each bring to our family. They’re like spices in a recipe, each adding something different. It’s vital for them to feel valued and heard.
When they’re often treated like a herd of sheep, it can be tough to ensure each child’s needs are met, but I prioritize it. Making my kids feel important boosts their self-esteem, something that is priceless for a small investment of time.
Quality time doesn’t always have to be a lengthy affair. Sometimes I take one of them grocery shopping, and we chat while filling the cart (with a mountain of food we’ll consume in no time). Another might help me cook dinner or we might spend a brief ten minutes shooting hoops in the driveway. Occasionally, I mix in bigger outings, like a solo ice cream trip.
At night, I sit on the edge of their beds for a few minutes to chat. It’s incredible how talkative kids become when they’re trying to delay bedtime! Even these little moments contribute to their emotional well-being. It’s during these times I learn about their lives and gauge how they’re doing. As they grow older, it becomes harder to get more than a one-word answer from them, like “Fine.” These moments create a safe space for them to open up and share their thoughts and feelings that they might be too shy to express in front of their siblings.
Tissue alert: one day, they won’t be living at home anymore. Soon, I won’t have a flurry of kids vying for my attention. Our family dynamic will shift, and we’ll only come together for special occasions. While our family bond is critical, our individual connections are even more valuable because they’ll one day need to know they can always count on me.
One-on-one time is beneficial for my kids, but it also brings me immense joy. When I cut through the chaos, I can truly see them for who they are. I alternate between pride and amazement at the incredible people they are becoming. In those moments, I feel the kind of joy that makes motherhood everything I hoped it would be.
If you’re looking for ways to create your own family, consider joining the Make a Mom community, a free sperm donor matching group, or check out Make a Mom, the at-home insemination company offering unique reusable options. You can learn more about how it all works at this link. For those interested in at-home insemination, the Cryobaby home intracervical insemination syringe kit combo is a great resource, as well as the comprehensive at-home insemination kit. And if you’re looking for research on fertility and home insemination, Science Daily is an excellent resource.
Summary
Spending one-on-one time with your children is essential for building strong individual connections within a family. It allows kids to feel seen and valued, while also giving parents a chance to appreciate their unique qualities. Simple moments can significantly impact emotional well-being and strengthen familial bonds, creating lasting memories.
Leave a Reply