Parenting
When Your Kid is a Little Fibber
by Jamie Parker
Dec. 11, 2023
“Hold on—did you actually brush your teeth?” I shot a skeptical glance at my son, who seemed to rush through his bedtime routine a bit too quickly.
“Yep!” he replied, a little too eagerly. But when I leaned in for a sniff test, his breath told a different story—let’s just say it was not the minty fresh scent I was hoping for. Now, in the grand scheme of parenting, this isn’t a monumental issue (unless you’re unfortunate enough to be within the blast radius of his breath). Yet, this wasn’t the first time I’d caught him in a fib, nor was it unique to him; all my kids have had their moments of unnecessary deceit over trivial matters.
Sometimes, I find myself spiraling into overthinking, worrying that their little white lies will snowball into bigger issues down the line—like cheating or worse. Like any parent out there, I often question if I’m somehow steering them toward a path of dishonesty.
But here’s the kicker: lying is actually a normal part of growing up. Kids lie for a ton of reasons: to grab attention (“My tummy hurts!”), dodge consequences, flex their creativity, spare someone’s feelings, or even fit in with their friends. I remember, back in fourth grade, I told my new classmates that my family was about to get a shiny Camaro. In reality, we lived in a trailer and drove a beat-up Crown Victoria.
Essentially, lying is just a clumsy attempt at problem-solving. Kids are figuring out how to navigate their world, and sometimes they do it in a not-so-great way. It’s all part of the learning process. A lie can be a way for them to see if it helps them avoid trouble. Plus, kids often struggle with impulse control—they might know they shouldn’t touch that shiny object but end up doing it anyway, leading to situations they’d rather cover up. Can you blame them?
Lying also shows that they’re developing new cognitive and social skills. After all, telling the truth requires no effort, but crafting a lie takes some creativity and mental gymnastics. It’s a frustrating experience for parents, yet at least it indicates their brains are growing.
We often send mixed signals about what kind of lies are acceptable. For instance, telling a little white lie to Great-Aunt Martha about loving her homemade gift might seem harmless to us adults, but for kids, it’s confusing. Plus, they see us occasionally bending the truth ourselves (admit it, we all do it!). If we demonstrate that lying is sometimes acceptable, how can we expect them to be paragons of honesty?
It’s reassuring to know that lying doesn’t make our kids bad people, but it’s not a behavior we want to encourage either. So, what can we do when we find our kids bending the truth?
First, child expert Sarah Bennett suggests taking a moment to manage your feelings. If you know your child lied, get straight to the point instead of dancing around the issue. Next, separate the lie from the situation at hand. If a window is broken, address that first, and deal with the lie later when things are calmer. Hot tempers don’t help solve problems, and the lie will still be there when you’re both cooled down.
Also, let’s avoid saying, “Just tell the truth, and I won’t get mad,” only to lose it anyway. That sends a confusing message. Honesty can be tough, especially if they know it might lead to trouble. So, reinforce honesty whenever possible. For example, if a cashier accidentally gives you too much change, return it instead of running off with the extra cash.
For older kids who feel like they’re being treated unfairly and lie to cover their tracks, it can be helpful to open a dialogue. Let them know you’re willing to listen and discuss their concerns. This can lead to compromises, showing them that honesty can actually work in their favor.
In short, lying is a normal part of childhood, and it’s not something to stress over too much. Our kids are just learning how to navigate life and don’t want to disappoint us. We need to remind them that honesty is the best policy and that we love them—even when they slip up. But if their slip-up involves skipping out on brushing their teeth, maybe it’s best to keep a safe distance!
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Summary:
Lying is a common behavior among children as they navigate their development and try to solve problems in their lives. While it can be frustrating for parents, it’s important to understand that this behavior is often a natural part of growing up. By fostering open communication and positive reinforcement for honesty, parents can help guide their children toward being truthful while also recognizing that mistakes are part of learning.
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