We are strangers in a public space, and I’m simply going about my day. You approach me, a face I’ve never seen before, and say, “Smile! You’re too beautiful not to be smiling.”
I suspect you thought that was a compliment. After all, you called me beautiful. But my reaction—recoiling instead of offering a smile—may have felt like an insult to you. However, I was just trying to navigate my day.
You know nothing about me. You don’t understand that speaking to strangers sends my anxiety into overdrive, making everyday life more challenging. And honestly, you have no right to know any of that. We aren’t friends or acquaintances; we’re merely two people in the same store at the same time.
Women in public don’t owe you any demands on their behavior or how they should present themselves for your enjoyment. That’s absurd. You wouldn’t approach another man in that way; you would allow him the freedom to express himself however he sees fit. Yet, here I am, being told to smile, as if my happiness is your responsibility to enforce.
You’re not the first man to issue such a command, and I doubt you will be the last. The audacity it takes to say something like this is both infuriating and alarmingly common.
Here’s something you might not understand: being female often feels like an open invitation. An invitation for unsolicited advice, for demands on my time, for unwanted attention. It leads to staring, following me to my car, or relentless requests for my number, even when I’ve clearly expressed my disinterest. And when I don’t reciprocate your interest, I’m labeled a “stuck-up” woman. Because why wouldn’t I be thrilled at your attention?
Another crucial point you likely haven’t considered: it can be dangerous. The man who tells me to smile could very well be the same man who becomes aggressive if I don’t comply. He might be the one who follows me home or confronts me physically when I reject his advances. This unpredictability forces women to walk on eggshells, prioritizing safety over comfort.
When I’m out, I’m constantly on alert, scanning my surroundings and monitoring the men nearby. Are they too focused on me? Have I seen one of them too often? My mind is in overdrive, assessing the situation and preparing for potential threats.
That’s what it means to be a woman in public.
Here’s one last thing you should know: my demeanor in public isn’t yours to command. I owe you nothing—not a smile, not a conversation, not even acknowledgment. Absorb that truth. When I’m out shopping or browsing at the library, sharing the same space doesn’t grant you the right to dictate my actions. I could be facing personal struggles or simply not feel like smiling at that moment. Whatever the case, it’s none of your business.
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Summary
This piece addresses the unsolicited demands placed on women in public spaces, particularly focusing on the common phrase “smile” often directed at them by strangers. It highlights the anxiety and potential dangers women face while navigating everyday situations, and ultimately asserts that women owe nothing to anyone regarding their emotional expression.
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