As a mother for the past six years, I’ve observed a concerning trend in the parenting community that leaves me feeling uneasy, even frustrated. Many moms take pride in their perceived progressiveness, believing they are fostering open-mindedness and acceptance. However, they often miss the mark.
The idea of colorblindness—the notion that we should ignore race—actually perpetuates racism rather than counteracting it.
Two years ago, while waiting to pick up my daughter from preschool, I witnessed a moment that encapsulated this issue. A little boy burst out with excitement, “Mom! There are brown kids in my class! Three brown kids!” His mother immediately shushed him, glancing around to see if anyone had overheard. The boy looked bewildered, unsure of why his mother wasn’t sharing in his joy.
Later that year, after attending a Christmas Eve service, my family and I dined at a nearly empty restaurant. A young girl, about five years old, approached our table, intrigued by my two-year-old and my newborn. “Hi,” she said. I replied, fully aware of her unasked questions. “Are those your kids?” she inquired.
“Yes,” I answered, noticing her parents’ shocked expressions as they finally recognized their daughter’s curiosity.
As I spoke with her, explaining that my children were adopted, her eyes lit up with understanding. She even asked, “Do they see their other mommies?” to which I affirmed that we do visit them. Her innocent observations shifted the conversation, allowing her to connect in a way that her parents had seemingly not anticipated.
These interactions are not isolated. I’ve had similar questions posed by children who simply seek clarity. Whether it’s a child at the park asking why I’m the mother of my black children or a cashier expressing disbelief over my son’s mixed heritage, the underlying theme is that they want honesty.
Parents must recognize that avoiding or dismissing their children’s inquiries about race does more harm than good. Children are perceptive and can sense when their parents are not being truthful. Ignoring these conversations fosters distrust and confusion instead of healthy discussions about diversity.
If you choose to promote a colorblind ideology rather than confronting the complex realities of race, you minimize a crucial aspect of your child’s experience and deny them the opportunity to understand and appreciate differences.
Next time your child points out a family that doesn’t match or expresses excitement about a friend who looks different, take a moment to breathe and engage with them. Share the truth—no matter how uncomfortable it may feel.
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In summary, fostering an open dialogue about race is essential for children’s understanding and acceptance of diversity. By candidly addressing their questions, parents can help their kids develop a more nuanced perspective on race and identity.
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