“Look at her, wearing pants under her nightgown,” someone chuckled lightly.
“I don’t think you’re changing that diaper right; he seems upset,” another remarked, nudging me away from the crib.
“Are you dozing off again?”
“What does the scar look like?”
After giving birth to my first child, these were the kinds of remarks I was met with from family. Though they didn’t intend any harm, I felt I had compromised my personal wish for no visitors at the hospital, all in the name of politeness to those who insisted on being there.
I mustered a smile, trying to stay awake, but exhaustion enveloped me. I was on oxycodone to manage the pain from my C-section, and after the trauma of delivering my baby two weeks early due to critically low oxygen levels, smiling was the last thing on my mind. I wanted to eat, rest, and hold my newborn, whom I couldn’t even meet until nearly four hours post-surgery.
Yes, I missed witnessing the birth of my own child because I had to be put under general anesthesia. To add to that, I was alone in the operating room as my husband was stationed 800 miles away, desperately trying to get a flight home.
So how did I feel about having visitors when I had clearly expressed my desire for privacy? I was glad I could be mature enough not to create a scene, yet I felt frustrated. I had just undergone major surgery, and instead of focusing on my recovery, I was left to navigate hurtful comments and the awkwardness of having guests during such an intimate time.
I apologize for not looking my best, but when I noticed I was bleeding, I didn’t have time to put on something flattering. And yes, it may take me a bit longer to change that diaper, but I’m a first-time mom trying to learn, and I didn’t ask for help for a reason. Yes, I might be falling asleep again, thanks to those strong medications, and no, I won’t be showing you my scar. It’s daunting just to think about it, so please respect my boundaries.
I hadn’t realized the extent to which one continues to bleed after delivery, regardless of how the baby arrives. This, coupled with other changes to my body, made me feel uncomfortable lying in bed, unbra-ed, attempting to host uninvited guests.
I am a private person; I still feel shy around my husband and only visit the gynecologist when absolutely necessary. Trying to carry on a regular conversation while wearing an adult diaper was incredibly challenging and embarrassing, even if others didn’t see it that way. I longed for solitude with my baby.
Instead of bonding with my newborn, I had to share him with extended family members and various medical staff who dropped by for checks. While I appreciated the love and support, what I truly needed was time to recuperate and reconnect with my baby, especially after his NICU stay and my recovery period.
By the time my husband’s flight arrived, I wanted time alone as a family, but that was only possible in the early hours of the morning when visitors had finally stopped coming and nurses had finished their rounds. Unfortunately, that was also when we needed to sleep. It was an emotionally draining experience.
Now, as we anticipate the arrival of our second child, my husband and I have had numerous discussions about visitor policies. Personally, I want no visitors this time. I tried to be accommodating the first time, and it left me feeling uncomfortable.
My husband, whose family lives nearby, is concerned about their feelings, believing they might be upset if they’re not invited. While I understand his intentions, I find myself back in the same dilemma as before. Should I create a VIP list of approved visitors, or just allow anyone to visit to avoid complaints?
Ultimately, we’ve agreed that my feelings take precedence. We can’t please everyone, and we shouldn’t have to. Why should I stress about family dynamics during my pregnancy? Our focus should be on our well-being.
If I don’t want visitors after the birth, then others will need to accept that. I deserve privacy, regardless of whether I’m breastfeeding or not, and I have the right to prioritize my comfort over anyone else’s. This is a rare moment when a mother can be selfish, and I intend to draw that line.
We plan to communicate with the hospital staff to ensure no visitors are allowed. If anyone finds that objectionable, it’s their problem to resolve. Dictating what a woman can or cannot request regarding her company post-delivery is simply inconsiderate. If they can’t be understanding of my family’s needs during this significant time, then I shouldn’t have to worry about their feelings.
So, hospital staff, please shut the door. No visitors allowed.
In summary, the journey of welcoming a new baby is incredibly personal and should be respected as such. It’s crucial for new mothers to prioritize their comfort and privacy during this time, and it’s perfectly acceptable to set boundaries regarding visitors.
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