As I rocked my little one, Max, to sleep this afternoon, scrolling through social media as usual, I stumbled upon a heated discussion about a contentious topic: the merits of sleep training. Parents were at odds, passionately condemning each other’s choices. Some claimed that sleep training contradicts the principles of “gentle parenting,” while others argued that “scientific evidence” suggests it can harm a child’s development.
Well, guess what? I sleep-trained my baby too, and it has worked wonders for our family. I’m frustrated with the judgmental attitudes that make parents like me feel like we should be ashamed of our choices.
What is Sleep Training?
To clarify, let’s define “sleep training.” Simply put, it’s about teaching your child to fall asleep independently, feeling safe and secure. Our pediatrician explained that all of us—parents and babies alike—wake up at various times during the night. Adults have learned to cope with waking up in the dark, but babies need reassurance. While the “cry-it-out” approach often gets a bad rap, there are many methods available, like verbal reassurance, pick-up-put-down (PUPD), and establishing a consistent bedtime routine.
Sleep training does not equate to leaving your child to cry in distress for hours. And if you do that—well, that’s a different story altogether.
My Hesitations
I was once hesitant about sleep training. I felt that anything less than responding to my baby’s every nighttime need was harmful. My pre-bedtime routine had become elaborate, bordering on superstitious rituals. I even insisted on specific ways for my partner, Jake, to hold Max before bed.
The truth is, I was drowning in exhaustion and felt stuck in a relentless cycle of sleeplessness. We tried everything—extra feedings, warm baths, co-sleeping, and an array of soothing devices. Yet Max continued to wake every hour or two, even while nestled between us in bed.
So, before anyone criticizes my efforts, let me emphasize that I truly tried every avenue available. Eventually, we settled on a blend of PUPD, verbal encouragement, and graduated extinction. It was crucial to me that Max didn’t cry for extended periods, and while gentler methods may take longer, they are effective. A key change was shifting away from nursing (or bottle-feeding) him to sleep. Instead, we established a calming routine: bath time, pajamas, followed by a feeding session, and then a story. If he fell asleep during the feeding, I gently woke him before reading. This approach worked wonders.
The Transformation
Our sleep training journey transformed our nights into a more peaceful experience. Even with the gentle parenting strategies we employed, Max had been waking in distress repeatedly throughout the night. After implementing our sleep training methods, his night awakenings became rare, often just a few soft noises before he drifted back to sleep. Now, when I place him in the crib, he often falls asleep without fuss.
Of course, we experience occasional bad nights, particularly after returning from a trip when routines get disrupted. On those nights, we provide extra cuddles and comfort to reassure him of our love.
Understanding Crying
One profound lesson I learned through this process is the difference in the types of cries. When he cries out of fear, I respond immediately. When he fusses because he’s not ready for bedtime, I allow him to express his discontent.
Surprisingly, the peace we found in our nights came quickly. The distress that once characterized our evenings faded away, leading to a more relaxed environment for Max and for us as parents.
Trusting Our Instincts
In a world filled with conflicting parenting advice—ranging from breastfeeding timelines to co-sleeping debates—let’s remember to gather information and trust our instincts. After all, we know our children best. I have no regrets about sleep training. If you can trust your parenting choices, so can I.
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Summary
In this article, Laura Thompson shares her experience with sleep training her baby, Max, dispelling misconceptions about the practice. With a focus on teaching children to sleep independently, she emphasizes the importance of finding a method that works for each family and advocates for trusting parental instincts amidst conflicting advice.
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