In the wake of Tarana Burke’s #metoo movement, many unsettling truths have surfaced, including the fact that I was fortunate enough to experience the majority of my sexual harassment at the hands of a relatively powerless and uninspired classmate during my 8th-grade years.
This boy’s blatant acts of grabbing and groping, claiming my body as if it were his to violate, left me feeling disgusted and frustrated as he repeatedly crossed boundaries in the locker area of our middle school. Thankfully, I was never alone with him, and our encounters were limited to unwanted, public, and aggressive touching.
Looking back, I realize that this boy simply had not been taught the meaning of “no.” In those bustling school hallways, I would yell, kick, and punch in a desperate bid to appeal to any shred of humanity he might possess or, at the very least, to create some distance between him and me. However, my protests fell on deaf ears; he firmly believed he had a right to invade my personal space.
While my experience was distressing, I recognize that it pales in comparison to many others. I have never faced more severe assaults or lived in a constant state of fear for my safety or well-being. I acknowledge this as a privilege. However, I also lacked the tools to advocate for myself and didn’t realize that I had options beyond just trying to fend off my assailant while carrying a pile of textbooks.
As a Parent, How Can I Protect My Sons?
As a parent, the issue of sexual assault is always at the forefront of my mind. How can I effectively protect my sons from becoming victims? Is there a guaranteed way to ensure they are safe at sleepovers? Who can we trust, and where? Whether it’s at school, religious institutions, or youth sports, is any place truly safe? Can I rely solely on my instincts to keep potential predators at bay?
I make it a point to check the sex offender registry whenever we relocate. I am more cautious than most about where they spend their time, often embarrassing myself by checking in on them frequently when they are in the company of unfamiliar people. I do everything I know how to do.
Moreover, I am focused on equipping them with the knowledge to protect themselves. I teach them the correct names of body parts, discuss who is allowed to touch them and under what circumstances, and encourage them to be assertive enough to fight back or flee if necessary. I emphasize the importance of reporting any incidents to a trusted adult once they are safe.
Preventing My Sons from Becoming Part of the Narrative
As I witness the resurgence of the #metoo movement and the stories of sexual abuse that accompany it, I often wonder, “How do I prevent my sons from becoming part of this troubling narrative?”
It’s a monumental challenge to instill in impulsive, energetic young boys—ages 3 and 6—the values necessary to ensure they never become those 8th graders who feel entitled to another person’s body or adults who exploit their power in exchange for favors. It is a heavy burden to teach kids currently absorbed in playtime with robots and dinosaur stamps that as they mature, they must never use their youthful immaturity or perceived entitlement to intrude upon the personal space of others.
I do not possess all the answers to tackle this daunting task. While I encourage respect for others and highlight the importance of consent, I remain aware of the subtle ways we may inadvertently reinforce misogyny and disrespect for bodily autonomy. I continue to do all I can, even while acknowledging that I still have much to learn.
Empowering the Next Generation
In a world where many of us have experienced #metoo, as a parent, I feel compelled to ensure my children will grow up to say #notme. This approach involves empowering them to stand up for themselves and fostering a deep respect for the well-being of others. It’s about providing a safe space for them to come forward if they ever experience harassment or assault, knowing they will never be blamed or dismissed.
As mothers, if there is any hope in this powerful movement of honesty, it is in our ability to influence the next generation to be a source of #NotMes, rather than #metoos.
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In summary, it is our responsibility as parents to educate our children about consent, respect, and personal boundaries. By taking proactive steps today, we can pave the way for a future where our children can confidently say #notme.
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