A few days ago, while I was browsing through old photos to decorate the cork board in my home office, I stumbled upon a collection of memories featuring my husband and me. We were captured in moments of joy—feeding ducks at the park, enjoying a county fair, and immersing ourselves in a horror movie festival downtown. Each image radiated happiness as we cuddled and strolled arm-in-arm. As I reminisced, a thought struck me: “I’m not the same person I used to be.”
Both my husband and I have undergone significant transformations since we tied the knot. If our friends from six years ago were to see us now, they might not recognize us—and that’s a positive change. Our marriage has been a catalyst for growth, pushing us to become the best versions of ourselves. Contrary to popular belief, I believe it’s perfectly fine to want to inspire change in your partner. After all, you should desire to uplift and motivate each other in ways that foster strength, health, and confidence.
Marriage as a Team Sport
Think of it as being part of a sports team; teammates don’t necessarily change each other but instead encourage one another to train and hone their skills. That’s what marriage is about as well.
My husband has never pressured me to change—nor have I pushed him. The evolution in our lives has been gradual, unfolding over the years we’ve shared. When we first met, I was still trying to navigate adulthood. In my mid to late 20s, I felt lost, mired in an unfulfilling relationship and stuck in a job that offered no future. I hadn’t even completed my degree, despite trying on and off since high school. I felt like an awkward duckling, endlessly paddling in circles, unsure of how to escape the pond.
The Power of Support
During those tough days when I battled insecurities about my appearance, he was there to remind me of my beauty. When I felt lost and unsure, he was my guiding light, reassuring me that life had a purpose. He constantly empowered me during moments of academic frustration, reminding me that I could achieve my goals. His unwavering support—“I love you and I believe in you”—eventually helped me to believe in myself.
Now, as I wake up each morning and prepare for a career I never thought I’d have, I often find myself reflecting on the woman I’ve become. “Who are you?” I ask the image in the mirror. While my appearance may have changed slightly, I know that I’m not the same girl anymore. The man I married? He has profoundly influenced my transformation. He embraced a bewildered young woman with low self-esteem and helped her blossom into a confident individual ready to take on the world—without demanding change but through love and belief.
Our Shared Achievements
Together, we’ve achieved so much. I completed my education, sent out resumes, nailed interviews, and even started a blog. We’ve taken on new adventures like moving cities, creating budgets, and exploring adoption. He has also made remarkable strides, establishing boundaries with those who don’t support his happiness, launching his own business, and fortifying his convictions.
We may not be the same people we once were, but we’ve emerged as better versions of ourselves. Don’t let anyone tell you not to inspire growth in your partner. While it’s essential not to force change, you should absolutely advocate for it. Support your spouse’s aspirations, champion their dreams, and encourage their personal development. Through your partnership, they should learn to love themselves, set boundaries, and take control of their lives—together.
Conclusion
So yes, I’m no longer that woman, and he’s not that man either. We have evolved, matured, and grown, and for that, we are both immensely grateful.
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In summary, my husband and I have changed individually and as a couple, and this growth has been vital to our relationship. Embracing change is essential, and supporting each other through this transformative journey is what makes a marriage truly fulfilling.
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