Recently, a friend shared a hilarious meme on social media that immediately caught my attention. It was the cover of an old Nancy Drew book featuring three girls burying something at night, humorously titled “The Mysterious Night We Buried Our Last F***.” I couldn’t help but laugh! The group of moms she tagged are known for our candid discussions about the trials and tribulations of motherhood. To be honest, we often gather to let our kids entertain each other while we sip coffee and indulge in some serious venting.
I know there are plenty of moms out there who might frown upon this. They often remind us to count our blessings and appreciate the precious gifts that our children are (and they are, truly!). But after being a stay-at-home mom for over five years, I find that sometimes, I just need to express my frustrations. If you’re a mom who feels grateful all the time, that’s wonderful! Just know that my circle of friends might not be the best fit for you. We’re navigating the chaos of sleepless nights, hastily gulping down lunch while juggling snacks and chores, and developing a routine that includes bathroom breaks at peculiar hours. This is the reality we live in: a beautiful, exhausting, chaotic, love-filled existence.
Yet, I often feel like moms are denied basic human rights. We can’t eat when we’re hungry, use the restroom when we need to, or sleep when we’re tired. I remember one instance when I was so fatigued that I ran a red light. While driving under the influence is illegal, it seems that tired moms are expected to just push through.
Now, back to that meme. There was a time when I was one of those moms who was all about the “hashtag blessed” life. I had longed to be a mother and was determined to excel at it. I devoured every parenting book, adhered to all the guidelines, and even tried every Pinterest idea I came across. Most of the pressure I placed on myself came from a desire to be the “perfect mom” or whatever that meant. I was terrified of being judged for my decisions—whether it was using a stroller, choosing bottle-feeding, or debating whether to let my baby cry it out.
Things got even more intense when my son, Ben, was old enough to throw tantrums. I could almost feel the judgment from strangers whenever he would act out in public. The more I sensed their judgment, the more pressure I felt, leading to a cycle of exhaustion.
Until one day, I decided I was done caring! I remember that day vividly. It was frigid outside, and we were at our favorite spot, a local cafe that welcomes moms and their children. After an hour and a half of my kids playing happily, it was time to head home for my daughter Lily’s nap. I knew getting them to leave would be a challenge.
Sure enough, when it was time to go, Lily erupted into a full-blown tantrum. I tried every trick in the book, but nothing worked. Ben was also being stubborn, refusing to put on his shoes or coat in the biting cold. Taking a deep breath, I scooped up my wailing toddler, grabbed the coats, and sternly instructed Ben to follow me or face consequences.
Picture this: Lily was kicking and screaming, I was weighed down with coats and bags, and Ben was lagging behind, barefoot and coatless, whining about leaving. Beads of sweat dripped down my forehead as I huffed and puffed, making our way to the car.
As we approached, I encountered an older lady who shot me a disapproving look. You know the one—intense and judgmental, silently scolding me for not controlling my children better. But instead of letting her glare affect me, I simply smiled back. I’ve been a mom long enough to know that her judgment didn’t define my worth. I was doing my best, and that was all that mattered.
In that moment, I realized I had finally buried my last f*ck. I was liberated from the weight of others’ expectations.
In summary, motherhood can be overwhelming, and it’s okay to feel frustrated. Surrounding yourself with understanding friends and letting go of the need for perfection can lead to a more fulfilling experience. Embrace the chaos, and remember that you are doing your best!
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