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To the Friends Who Vanished When Challenges Arose
First, I want to express my apologies—not for who I am or my actions, but for the silence that’s lingered for far too long. I’ve kept my thoughts to myself, retreating and shutting down. Gathering the courage to share my feelings has been a journey, mainly because I fear your reaction—whether you’ll respond or remain absent. But I must be honest: I miss you.
Even after being ghosted, I still miss you.
There are a few things I need to get off my chest, and I hope you’ll hear me out. Wherever you may be, I hope you can understand. I recognize I haven’t always been the easiest friend to have around. My moods fluctuated, and I was at times needy, melancholic, and even a bit of a downer.
I know my presence could dampen the atmosphere. I can own that. The reason? I grapple with a complex mental illness known as bipolar II. Some days I’m vibrant, cheerful, and full of life; other days, I’m a shadow of myself—impulsive, despondent, and completely immobilized. On those tough days, I struggle to get out of bed or even take a breath, and unfortunately, I’ve broken promises and canceled plans.
I understand how frustrating it must have been for you—not just to cope with me but to witness such a transformation in a friend. Seeing someone you care about shift from being lively to an unkempt shell is difficult. But I wish you hadn’t vanished when things got tough because I truly needed you.
On those dark days, your presence could have made a world of difference. Instead of sitting with me, you chose to leave. My mental health struggles became too much for you, and while you never explicitly stated that my challenges were a reason for distancing yourself, your absence spoke volumes. You quietly slipped out of my life, like air escaping a balloon.
The signs were clear—excuses began to pile up, plans were canceled, and you stopped inviting me out. The silence that ensued was painful. I want you to know it hurt deeply, and I share this not to incite guilt but to foster understanding. Admitting to a mental illness is a daunting task, filled with shame and stigma, and the fear of losing friends can be overwhelming. No one should have to endure that kind of loneliness—yet here I am.
It’s often said that friendships come in three forms: those that enter for a reason, for a season, and for a lifetime. It seems that we were one of the former, a friendship that had its time but has since passed. That realization doesn’t lessen the pain; I still miss you every day.
While our connection may have faded, there are countless others who will need your support, perhaps friends with different mental health struggles. According to research, 42.5% of Americans face mental health issues, and they will require your compassion, understanding, and patience.
Be there for them. Listen to their stories. Remember that friendship isn’t about perfection; it’s about being there through the highs and lows. Your support, even if not as a solution to their problems, can be a guiding light in their darkest moments. I know you have it in you to be that friend, whether for me or for the next person who needs it.
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