“Isn’t it important to love yourself first?” This was my nearly eight-year-old’s response when he heard me say that I prioritize him above all else.
“You always tell me it’s crucial to love yourself first,” my son pointed out. “So shouldn’t you be putting yourself first?”
I cherish these moments when my child schools me, especially after a week where I hadn’t even considered my own needs.
“Yes, you should definitely love yourself and make yourself a priority,” I admitted. “But being a parent changes things. I have you to think about, and I genuinely want to!”
“But who thinks about you?” he pressed.
Oh my! He’s like the second-grade version of a life coach. He has a knack for reflecting my random life lessons back to me at the most unexpected times, making me realize he’s always tuned in.
I appreciate these moments where I can see the lessons I’ve shared with him are resonating. Yet, it can be tough to have all the answers to his follow-up questions.
Over the last few months, I’ve made a concerted effort to prioritize my health and happiness. It’s not just for my family; it’s for myself too. I’ve dedicated more time to preparing nutritious meals and carving out time for workouts, unapologetically claiming those thirty to forty-five minutes for myself. I’ve learned to listen to my body and recognize when I need a break, both mentally and physically. Because of this, I believe I’ve become a better mother and partner.
However, I still struggle to prioritize myself fully. Often, my workouts happen late at night, and sleep sometimes takes a backseat. I frequently find myself canceling plans or skipping out on “extras” I had hoped to do.
How do I explain this to my son? It’s all part of the parenting journey, and one day, he too may feel the need to prioritize his partner or children.
I want him to understand that caring for yourself is essential. As a young Black boy in today’s world, it’s critical for him to recognize the importance of self-love. Failing to prioritize himself could have serious consequences. He needs to know that when he loves himself first, he can be genuinely happy, which enables him to support others without compromising his own needs. It’s a delicate balance, and explaining the concept of loving someone more than yourself is challenging for a kid whose main concerns revolve around friends and basketball.
I hope I’m setting a good example. I want him to see that I genuinely value myself and understand the importance of making time for my own needs. I also hope he recognizes that I would make any sacrifice to ensure he has the happiest life possible.
“Mom? You can go back to your book club,” he said one day.
“Book club? I stopped attending years ago!”
“I know. I was sad when you left at night. But I heard my friend Ama say they’d love to have you back. I’m okay with you going now.”
Those workouts will happen, even if they start at 10:30 p.m. And those nights out will return — even if it takes a couple of years.
In conclusion, the journey of self-care is one of balance and learning, and sometimes it takes a second grader to remind us of that.
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