Updated: August 25, 2020
Originally Published: February 4, 2018
My partner and I have faced some intense challenges in our marriage over the past year and a half. After 18 years together and 22 years of partnership, we found ourselves in a cycle of resentment and annoyance. Following a particularly heated argument, we made a conscious decision to rebuild our relationship. We sought the help of a counselor and have been diligently working on improving our communication skills and expressing our emotions more effectively.
Interestingly, throughout all our therapy sessions, one topic has never surfaced. We have never spent a moment discussing how much we weigh or how we perceive our physical appearances.
To put it simply, my weight has never been a factor in why my partner would consider leaving me, and I feel the same way about him.
As you can imagine, after nearly two decades together, our weight has fluctuated. Both of us have experienced times of gaining and losing weight. Life changes, like having children, and cozy nights in with ice cream, don’t tend to be friendly to our figures.
What matters is that my partner has witnessed me during two pregnancies and still remembers the size 2 version of me walking down the aisle. He has seen me at every size in between, and his attraction remains unchanged, regardless of how snug my yoga pants may feel.
When we finally confronted the issues in our marriage, we came to the realization that our relationship encompasses so much more than merely looking youthful. Our bodies and our marriage have evolved together. In therapy, we’ve concentrated on rebuilding trust and kindness. When I gaze into his eyes during these moments of growth, I am not fixated on his fuller cheeks or the absence of his once-toned abs. I see the man I fell in love with, not the number on the scale.
During a genuine marital crisis, when the fear of losing your family looms large, the scale loses all significance.
Recently, celebrity chef Alex Thompson revealed that he shed 56 pounds due to an ultimatum from his wife, Lisa: lose the weight or face divorce. In an interview, Alex admitted he felt uneasy about his appearance and that Lisa was “not impressed” with how he looked. He decided to get in shape because he feared she would follow through on her threat.
While I don’t know Alex and Lisa’s journey as a couple, I find it troubling when a celebrity implies that weight is a potential reason for divorce in what is otherwise a happy relationship. It’s infuriating. Seriously, take a moment to reflect, Alex, on the message you’re sending to the public.
Divorce and marital strife are serious matters, and very few couples are on the verge of separation solely because one partner’s waistline has expanded. Sure, there are times when issues related to food addiction or unaddressed health problems create stress, but I suspect that the majority of marriage therapists do not find themselves mediating disputes over a mere thirty extra pounds.
And let’s not forget about body shaming. There is a compassionate way to discuss a partner’s health concerns, but issuing ultimatums based on weight is simply unacceptable. It lacks love and kindness and often exacerbates underlying issues.
I don’t judge Lisa for expressing her feelings about attraction, nor do I fault Alex for wanting to embrace a healthier lifestyle. Everyone desires their partner to be the best version of themselves. But let’s not trivialize marital struggles with careless remarks.
Instead of framing it as a weight issue, why not say, “My marriage is facing challenges, and I’m taking time to reflect on my emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being to be a better partner”? It’s essential to avoid casting a shadow on your spouse and making it seem like their worth is tied to appearance. Just as my marriage struggles have been genuine and profound, I suspect Lisa’s concerns run much deeper than Alex’s waistline.
My partner and I have navigated through tough times over the last year. It has been a challenging journey of self-reflection and active listening to restore our relationship. Almost losing my marriage has put trivial matters like weight loss into perspective. If Alex Thompson was genuinely on the brink of divorce over his appearance, I feel sympathy for both him and Lisa. Because, in the end, marriage is so much more than a number on the scale.
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Summary
In a heartfelt reflection, Emily Johnson discusses the complexities of marriage, emphasizing that love and connection run deeper than physical appearance or weight. She critiques the tendency to focus on superficial attributes in relationships, arguing that true marital struggles involve much more than a number on the scale.
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