Last night, as my charming, scruffy husband nestled beside me and kissed me goodnight, I couldn’t help but cry. I felt compelled to share this moment because his reaction to my emotional outburst was completely unexpected.
All I wanted was for the man I adore to hold me, yet I found myself overwhelmed with tears. I struggled to remain present in that tender moment, but my thoughts spiraled out of control.
Through my sobs, I managed to ask, “Do you ever feel like I’ve deceived you?”
“What on earth are you talking about?” he chuckled.
“Do you look at me, sometimes unintentionally, and think that this isn’t what you signed up for, that you feel trapped?”
I had scooted over to the far edge of the bed, unable to suppress the ugly cry I usually reserve for private moments. I was trembling.
“Sweetheart,” he said gently, “I’m so sorry you’ve ever thought that way. I am incredibly proud of you, and I have never felt anything but grateful to be your husband.”
“But I didn’t look like this when we got married.”
“You were stunning then, and you’re even more beautiful now.”
Friends, I was at a loss for words. In the nine years since we tied the knot, I’ve had two kids, moved into three houses, switched jobs four times, and gained over 100 pounds. Yes, you read that right.
In my mind, I would rather hide under a blanket than allow my husband to touch a body that I shame daily. By distancing myself from intimacy, I thought I was sparing him from something unpleasant.
But truthfully, I’m not. This hurt I carry is mine. My husband is open and loving, and I must learn to accept his affection. I need to believe that he still sees me as attractive, humorous, and deserving of his love.
Your struggles may look different from mine, yet I know many wonderful friends who grapple with being vulnerable and intimate due to their pain creating an unbreakable barrier.
It’s okay to embrace genuine love even amid our brokenness.
So, thank you, my incredible husband, for loving me through the chaos of my mind, which often distorts reality and truth to keep me from your unwavering love. You are amazing. I am thankful. I may not be whole yet, but I am on the path to healing.
If you’re seeking additional insights on home insemination, consider checking out this helpful article about what to expect during your first IUI. For more information on at-home kits, visit this page. You can also learn more about their CryoBaby kit, which is an excellent resource.
In summary, love can flourish even in the midst of personal struggles and insecurities. Embracing that love is a vital step toward healing.
Leave a Reply