“The expectation for working mothers is quite clear: act as if you have no children at work, while parenting as if you have no job.” – Rachel Turner
Our mothers and grandmothers paved the way for significant change. They rallied, protested, and campaigned for women’s rights, including the fundamental right to earn an income for their families. They made substantial progress. Today, women represent nearly half of the workforce, and in Canada, over 75% of women aged 25-54 are employed.
We, the next generation, enjoy the benefits of their struggles. We’ve been taught that we can achieve anything – the notion of “having it all.” Consequently, we strive to do just that. More women are pursuing advanced degrees than ever before. Yet despite our professional achievements, we often shoulder the lion’s share of parenting and household duties. As a working mother, it’s hard not to think, “Is this what they fought for?”
The reality of “having it all” often means doing it all.
We are expected to pursue rewarding careers while ensuring that our roles as mothers do not interfere with our professional lives. We work tirelessly to prove that our ambitions remain intact after having children. We’re also expected to be engaged parents: volunteering at school, joining parent-teacher associations, coaching sports teams, and organizing picture-perfect birthday celebrations.
On top of that, we juggle cooking, cleaning, managing schedules, attending appointments, shopping, and maintaining a social calendar. We strive to exercise, nurture our relationships, and carve out time for ourselves. With so many responsibilities, it feels like we’re one minor setback away from chaos.
As I journey through parenthood, I’ve come to realize that something has to give. We cannot do it all, and it’s time to stop pretending otherwise. Our mothers and grandmothers fought for choices, not for the expectation to do everything.
You can choose to “lean in” to a demanding career while delegating childcare and household tasks. Alternatively, you might opt for a part-time role, accepting that your professional goals may need to take a back seat for a time. There’s also the choice of self-employment, which can complicate the quest for breaks. Alternatively, some may decide to stay home, recognizing the potential long-term impact on earnings. Each choice is valid, yet none are easy.
Let go of the pressure to have a spotless home or to provide homemade treats for bake sales, and stop striving to regain your “pre-baby” body. Focus on what matters most to you and allow the rest to fall by the wayside. Constantly comparing ourselves to an idealized standard is an impossible burden.
In an ideal world, work-life balance wouldn’t just be a buzzword. Flexible work arrangements wouldn’t hinder career advancement, and the unequal division of parenting and household responsibilities would be a thing of the past. Until we reach that point, let’s stop exhausting ourselves in the pursuit of “having it all.”
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In summary, the myth of “having it all” places undue pressure on women to perform flawlessly across all areas of life. It’s essential to recognize the importance of making choices that align with personal values and to embrace the reality that we cannot do everything.
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