As a Black woman, I have an important message for my well-meaning white friends who consider themselves “woke.” Throughout my life, I’ve surrounded myself with predominantly white friends. In my younger years, I often overlooked the racial dynamics at play in our interactions, but recent events have brought these issues into sharper focus. I’ve become increasingly aware of how my white friends navigate conversations about race—not out of concern that they hold racist beliefs, but because of their perceived “wokeness.”
There seems to be a competition among white people, particularly white women, to demonstrate their anti-racist credentials. However, I need to clarify: this isn’t a contest. Overzealous attempts to prove you’re an ally often come off as a form of white feminism.
So, let’s take a breath. Either truly engage with the issues or reconsider your approach.
The Responsibility of Allyship
How many times have I heard a white female friend say, “You’ll call me out if I mess up, right?” It’s almost comical. Sure, I’ll point out your mistakes if I notice them, but honestly, it’s not my responsibility to do so. If you’re as “woke” as you claim to be on social media, you should be able to recognize your own errors. But since I know that’s not how it works, consider this a wake-up call: if you’re going to commit to this cause, do it wholeheartedly. You can’t selectively choose what issues to care about.
Reflecting on Cultural Events
Take the Super Bowl, for example. I couldn’t care less about football; I tune in for the Halftime Show and some tasty snacks. This year, I was excited because my longtime crush, Jordan Thompson, was headlining. Yet, I saw numerous white friends posting about how they couldn’t stand him. “Unless he apologizes for his past mistakes, I’m not interested!” they declared.
Let’s take a moment to reflect. That incident from years ago isn’t up for perpetual debate. Jordan isn’t responsible for mediating your feelings about it. It’s not your place to speak for a Black woman like Janet Jackson, who has her own voice and agency. And let’s not forget, while you’re quick to critique, you’re often silent when it comes to real support for Black women.
Engagement Beyond Performative Actions
I appreciate that you’re showing up to marches and wearing your pink hats, but let’s face it: many of these gatherings have been about white feminism. They were sparked by white women realizing their rights were at risk under certain leadership, while the rights of Black women have always faced challenges. When it comes to amplifying Black voices, are you truly doing your part?
Your enthusiasm for Black female figures in politics is often limited. You’ll applaud famous Black women like Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey, but fail to support those who are actually running for office—like Kamala Harris—who has a solid political background. If you want to uplift Black women, invest your energy in those who are actively working to make a difference.
Educating the Next Generation
You may think you’re educating your kids about Black history by mentioning a few well-known figures, but there’s a whole world of influential Black women beyond Rosa Parks and Harriet Tubman. Teach them about lesser-known figures, like Phyllis Wheatley or Sojourner Truth. And for crying out loud, let’s not keep dragging Martin Luther King Jr.’s name into every discussion. He was more than just a quote to fit your narrative; he faced serious opposition and his message was multifaceted.
Understanding Cultural Context
You might be quick to cheer for artists like Beyoncé, but how much do you actually know about the historical context of the movements she represents? It’s vital to understand the sacrifices made by those who came before us. The reality is, you can’t pick and choose which aspects of Black culture you want to support. If you’re going to endorse movements like #MeToo, make sure you’re including the voices of Black women who started this conversation.
Supporting Black Communities
When recommending charities, don’t overlook those that specifically uplift Black communities. If your Black friend shares their experiences, don’t reduce their identity to their job title. I see you. And if you’re only “woke” when it’s convenient, that’s also clear.
Conclusion
So, to my “woke” white friends, it’s time to step up. I’m not here for performative allyship.
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In summary, being an ally requires genuine commitment and consistent engagement. It’s not enough to only support Black voices when it’s trendy; real change comes from understanding and acting on the issues that affect us all.
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