By: Jenna Mitchell
Updated: Dec. 18, 2023
Originally Published: Feb. 8, 2018
My boys are well aware of where I keep my stash of condoms and know they can use them whenever they can reach the shelf without a step stool. At this moment, they find the idea of being intimate with anyone utterly repulsive (“Eww, Mom!”), but I know that one day, they will likely feel differently. When that time comes—when they transition from innocent children to teenagers with newfound sexual awareness—they will be ready. That’s because I’ve been laying the groundwork since they were little.
To some, this might seem excessive. Many parents worry that discussing sex with their children will strip them of their innocence or encourage premature sexual behavior. However, sexual awareness begins in childhood and only grows from there. As parents, we can either normalize discussions about it, encouraging them to come to us with questions, or we can inadvertently create a sense of shame around natural development, which might lead them to seek answers from unreliable sources. Either way, kids will begin asking questions early on.
Determining how to approach this topic can be challenging, as every child is different. My eldest, for example, has always been very literal and inquisitive; he preferred educational documentaries to cartoons. By age four, he wanted a detailed explanation of how babies are made—not just a general idea. In contrast, when my younger son asked the same question, I realized he was looking for a much simpler response. This taught me to gauge their understanding before diving into complex explanations.
I always start with the basics, teaching them the correct anatomical terms for their bodies. With four boys, words like “penis” have become as commonplace in our house as “nose.” This isn’t just about sex; it’s about helping them feel comfortable with their bodies and understanding boundaries. I emphasize that no one should ever touch them inappropriately and that they can always come to me or their dad if they feel uncomfortable. This builds a foundation of trust and awareness regarding their physical autonomy.
As they grow, I try to seize teachable moments. For instance, while watching a reality show, I used the opportunity to discuss condom usage and the importance of protecting themselves and their partners. They may not be thinking about these issues yet, but I want them to have the knowledge they need before they face real-life situations.
The most uncomfortable part of these discussions is often the awkwardness we feel as parents. However, with practice, it becomes less daunting. I remind myself that keeping my kids in the dark serves no one. By starting these conversations early, I’m preparing them for the more complex discussions we’ll need to have when they become teenagers. I want them to know I’m a reliable, non-judgmental source of information, so they will feel comfortable turning to me with their questions. If I don’t talk to them about sex, someone else will—likely someone who lacks a proper understanding of the responsibilities involved.
I shudder at the thought of sending my kids out into the world without basic life skills like cooking or managing finances, and the same applies to sexual knowledge. Sexual encounters can have profound, life-altering consequences, from emotional connections to health risks. Teaching my kids about safety and responsibility in their sexual lives is just as crucial as any other life lesson.
By fostering an open dialogue about sex, I’m not only preparing them for their future but ensuring they understand their rights and responsibilities. In the same way that I would provide them with resources for cooking or budgeting, I want them to know how to navigate their sexual health responsibly and safely.
For parents exploring assisted conception, there are options available to help you on your journey, such as the at-home insemination kit, which can be a valuable resource. For more information on fertility and pregnancy, check out this excellent resource from Johns Hopkins Medicine.
Summary:
Starting conversations about sex early with your children is essential for their understanding of sexual health and responsibility. By engaging in age-appropriate discussions and normalizing the topic, you can establish trust and set a foundation for future conversations. This proactive approach ensures that your kids have the knowledge they need to navigate their sexual lives safely and responsibly.
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