Navigating the world of working motherhood is filled with complexities, and the term “working mom guilt” is one that I can’t stand. When you hear that phrase, you might envision a mother sprinting in high heels from a school drop-off to an important meeting, neglecting to pack her child’s lunch. Or perhaps you imagine a mom sitting at her desk in tears after receiving a video of her baby taking their first steps.
You might even reflect on your own professional journey, recalling moments that pierced your heart because you missed a significant milestone or celebration with your children. Am I on point?
These scenarios are common and resonate with many women, but it’s not the situations that bother me—it’s the term itself: working mom GUILT.
This word implies that we, as working mothers, are somehow at fault for our choices. It suggests wrongdoing, as if we should feel ashamed for having careers. This mindset contributes to the negative perceptions surrounding working motherhood. For many of us, working isn’t even a choice—it’s a necessity.
Sure, I feel a pang of sadness when I say goodbye to my two-year-old, who is waving at me from the doorstep with his adorable little face. And yes, I wish I could be more involved in my first grader’s classroom activities. But do I feel guilty for pursuing a career I love and for providing financial stability for my family? Absolutely not.
What I experience is better described as working mom frustration.
I feel frustrated knowing that many of the women I’ve spoken with faced the pressure to return to work before they were truly ready because their maternity leave was far too brief. I feel frustration when we apologize to our employers for leaving early to attend to our children, fully aware that our absence won’t negatively affect their bottom line.
One mother put it perfectly when she said, “I feel more guilty for leaving work early to care for my kids than I do for leaving my kids behind. This is a cultural issue.” Indeed, it is. It’s time for us to demand change.
How can we expect employers to revise their policies if we keep taking the blame for systemic issues? The concern isn’t our guilt; it’s that we haven’t been vocal about the unreasonable hurdles we face as we juggle work and parenting in this country!
Why are we still accepting the reality that women in the U.S. often receive no paid maternity leave? As one friend who works for the government explained, “You’re simply expected to use your annual leave or sick days. If that’s not enough, you might get some donations, but it’s usually just for six to eight weeks of postpartum recovery. After that, it’s leave without pay if you want to take the full twelve weeks.”
It’s astonishing! Six weeks to three months of leave? Anyone who has had a baby knows that six weeks post-delivery is a time of hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, and constant feedings. I cannot understand how any organization, especially our federal government, can justify this.
In contrast, did you know that in Canada, mothers can receive up to a full year of maternity leave? One Canadian mother shared, “We get a percentage of our salary. While it’s less than when working, we save on childcare costs and can even split the leave with our partners.” When I asked if this reduced feelings of working mom guilt, she replied, “I think we’re hard on ourselves regardless, but I feel more prepared to return compared to those who go back sooner.”
Imagine the transformation in our own country if we adopted such policies! What if working mothers knew they were valued both as parents and employees, with no conflict between the two?
I urge all working mothers to stop internalizing feelings that have been misrepresented as guilt. Let’s articulate our needs, desires, and rights to thrive in both roles. It’s time to talk about change rather than guilt, because nothing will shift until we demand it.
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In summary, it’s crucial for working mothers to shift the narrative from guilt to empowerment and demand the changes necessary for a better balance between work and family life.
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