Countless times, I’ve found myself shrinking back, feeling the urge to apologize for others’ poor behavior while realizing that they were, in fact, the ones who were out of line.
Take my high school boyfriend, Jake, for instance. He convinced me that it was acceptable for him to flirt with other girls and ignore my calls, claiming that I was more secure than that. “Oh, I’m sorry. I must have overreacted,” I often said, desperate to salvage our relationship whenever he threatened to end it.
Then there was Sarah, a college friend who unceremoniously unfriended me on Facebook after I confronted her about canceling our plans. When I saw her posting photos with other friends who seemed far more glamorous and exciting, I couldn’t help but feel like I was just too dull for her. “It’s perfectly fine if you want to reschedule,” I texted, hoping she wouldn’t ignore my outreach.
I had a tendency to excuse the behavior of those who turned their backs on me, believing it was my gift to see the best in everyone. But motherhood changed everything. I realized that I couldn’t continue to tolerate poor treatment from others. I had to assert myself and make it clear that I wouldn’t accept being treated like an outdated candy.
Life as a Mom and the Journey of Self-Worth
So, what’s life like now that I’m a mom and aware of my self-worth? It can still be incredibly tough. Building meaningful friendships is challenging, and learning when to confront others feels like an uphill battle. I may not strut around with the confidence of a supermodel, but I understand how vital it is for my child to have a parent who stands up for him.
Learning to advocate for myself was the first step, and I’ve made incredible strides in this area. I encourage other “sensitive” mothers to do the same. Feeling deeply is completely normal. However, it’s not acceptable for someone to act as if their feelings are more valid than yours, especially if they dismiss you when you’re hurt, yet play the victim when faced with discomfort.
Standing Up Against Disrespect
For example, when a server laughed after spilling hot marinara sauce on me, nearly hitting my newborn, I promptly reported her to her manager. Her careless behavior endangered my child, and a simple apology would have sufficed.
When my OB wrote inaccuracies in my medical records after I asked straightforward questions, I took action. I penned an 11-page letter detailing the need for better training and resources for patients. I refused to be made to feel uncomfortable for advocating for my health and well-being.
In college, I lacked the courage to voice my discomfort when a male student was allowed in the room during my gynecological exam, but that’s no longer the case. I have learned to prioritize my own needs and desires.
When my mother criticized my husband for being a stay-at-home dad, saying she wouldn’t have married him, I spoke up when she casually mentioned staying at our house without discussing it with us. I insisted she respect our parenting choices and reminded her of previous disrespectful actions. Her response? “You’re just too sensitive.” Really? You want to invade my home and dismiss my boundaries? No, you’re not staying with us.
Friends and family often treat me as if I’m the villain for taking offense, but I’ve stopped filtering their comments through a lens of self-doubt. I refuse to apologize for my feelings merely because they want freedom to say whatever they wish without facing consequences.
Embracing Sensitivity
Unfortunately, many mothers still feel the need to apologize for others or excuse poor behavior to maintain friendships that are not worth it. I’ve exhausted myself trying to appease those who are cruel, and now I’m channeling that energy into a strong, dignified stance that my son can look up to. If I can assert myself against those who disregard my needs, I can also confidently voice my opinions in school meetings, family gatherings, doctor appointments, and more, especially when it concerns my child’s well-being.
Yes, I may still be more sensitive than others, but that’s not a flaw, and it’s unreasonable to expect me to suppress my feelings. I refuse to allow anyone to disrespect me just because they feel entitled to express their opinions without considering their impact on others.
Sorry, not sorry. I’m not “too sensitive,” you’re just rude.
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Summary
In this reflective piece, the author shares personal experiences of learning to assert herself and recognize her worth, especially after becoming a mother. She highlights the importance of standing up against disrespectful behavior from friends and family, and the necessity of not suppressing her feelings. The narrative encourages other mothers to embrace their sensitivity while advocating for themselves and their children.
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