My partner and I often find ourselves in heated discussions about this topic. I tend to err on the side of caution, preparing for potential dangers, while he believes in giving others the benefit of the doubt. He often throws around statistics—like how the chance of a child being kidnapped is supposedly less than being struck by lightning—claiming it’s about 1 in 300,000. But with three kids, I can’t take that chance.
I refuse to let my 6-year-old dash back to the car alone to grab my wallet, not even for a moment. I know most people are good at heart, but my children’s safety is too important to leave to chance. The reality is that I can do everything right, and still, something could go wrong. So, I will continue to be vigilant.
The Topic of Trust
This brings me to the topic of trust. It might sound harsh, but I’m teaching my daughters to be cautious around men. I understand this perspective might not align with a more open-minded view, and it certainly isn’t the kind of sentiment that would win me any awards for kindness. In fact, I recall as a child being taught a playful line by my mom: “What do I always tell you about men?” to which I would cheerfully respond, “All men are pigs, all they want is sex!” It got laughs, but as I grew older, I resented the implication that all men could be reduced to such a stereotype.
Yet here I am, faced with the uncomfortable truth that the statistics regarding sexual assault are grim. For every girl, the likelihood of being assaulted is not 1 in 300,000; it’s closer to 1 in 6. I don’t want my daughters to live in fear or shy away from healthy relationships, but I also want them to be smart about who they trust. This mindset may protect them from potential harm.
Addressing Societal Issues
If a decent guy feels hurt by this approach, I genuinely don’t care. They should not blame me or the lessons I teach my children; they should blame the societal issues surrounding sexual assault. If you want to see a change in how mothers instruct their children on safety, address the root causes. Educate young people about consent and the real-life consequences of sexual assault. Advocate for stricter penalties against predators. Stand up when you witness inappropriate behavior, so that it’s clear such actions are unacceptable.
The silence surrounding inappropriate conduct only serves to normalize it. If you ignore Tom from accounting giving Pam an unsolicited shoulder rub, you’re allowing boundaries to be blurred. Each time that happens, it creates an environment where future generations may think similar behavior is acceptable.
Teaching Consent and Awareness
I’m committed to teaching my kids about consent and the power of saying no. My hope is that they will recognize and reject rape culture when they encounter it. I’m having these conversations, even when they feel awkward. And yes, I’m telling them not to place their trust in men without reason.
To the men who take offense at this approach—what are you doing to change the narrative?
(P.S. If you’re not actively participating in the fight against rape culture, you don’t get a pat on the back for simply not being a predator.)
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In summary, I am raising my daughters to be aware and cautious without fostering fear. The focus must be on changing societal attitudes towards consent and unacceptable behavior.
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