I thought I was unboxing a delightful surprise from Amazon. I had no idea what it might be, but I was hoping for something fun, like the unicorn mug my partner once gifted me that boldly states, “I AM ABSOLUTELY MAGICAL.” We tend to order from Amazon frequently, often picking out little treats for each other that we wouldn’t normally buy. Could it be a dress? Maybe some new personal items? A t-shirt, phone accessories, or something else I might kind of need?
Nope.
The package wasn’t for me. It was a Fitbit.
For those unaware, a Fitbit is a device you wear on your wrist that syncs with an app on your phone to monitor various fitness and health metrics. It tracks your sleep patterns, steps taken, heart rate, and even how much water you’ve consumed (aim for those 64 ounces!). You can log your meals and estimate how many calories you’ve burned. It’s essentially a relentless diet monitor strapped to your wrist, and it even alerts you to incoming texts.
I’m on a journey toward body positivity, trying to embrace my own worth without adhering to an unrealistic standard of beauty that often excludes anyone with a post-pregnancy belly or a size above four, save for a few exceptions like Ashley Graham. After years of grappling with my weight—experiencing an eating disorder and enduring restrictive dieting while breastfeeding—I’ve made a choice to enjoy food. I eat when I’m hungry, and I try to listen to my body’s signals about fullness. However, after a lifetime of ignoring that “I’m full” warning, this is a challenge. I’m working hard to accept myself as I am and to avoid fitness trends and exercise competitions that can leave me feeling inadequate. My partner has been incredibly supportive of this endeavor.
After three days of silence, I finally said something. “I noticed you got a Fitbit, fitness fanatic,” I remarked.
“I just want to monitor my sleep cycles to check for apnea,” he replied.
Oh. Well then.
“I didn’t mention it because I knew you’d react this way,” he added.
In a decade of marriage, you learn certain things about each other.
If it had stopped there, it would have been fine. But it didn’t. The Fitbit began to infiltrate our conversations. “I reached my 10,000 steps by 11 AM,” he’d lament, pacing around the house as he often does. Or, “I walked five miles today,” he’d boast. “Indoors.”
Suddenly, I felt a wave of panic. Oh no, I didn’t walk five miles today. Between household chores and homeschooling, I was lucky to have covered half a mile. I should have walked five miles. I should have hit 10,000 steps by 11 AM. But I didn’t.
He’d also brag about his hydration. “I drank 64 ounces of water before I even got to school!” Meanwhile, I sat in the corner with my coffee, thinking, “Well, at least I chugged down 32 ounces of coffee to keep myself awake.”
Every statistic became a competition, and I always came up short. My frustration with that silly black device on my partner’s wrist grew, as it seemed to be tracking him like some wild animal. This wasn’t body positive; it was undermining my confidence and pushing me toward obsessively counting calories and doing more pushups.
Eventually, we made a pact: he needed to tone down the Fitbit chatter for the sake of my mental health. I supported his desire to be healthier, but I found it incredibly triggering. The pressure made me feel like I needed to buy one of those devices myself, which would only spiral me further into obsession.
So, we reached an understanding: I would pretend the Fitbit didn’t exist, aside from discussions relevant to its original purpose—tracking sleep, which is beneficial. Now, my partner has his brother to discuss fitness with. I fully support my partner; I believe in his ability to achieve his goals and feel great about his body. I’m just focused on my own journey toward body positivity.
Perhaps one day I’ll be able to engage with fitness discussions without feeling triggered. But today? Not a chance.
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Summary:
In this candid reflection, Jessica shares her mixed feelings about her partner’s new fitness tracker and how it inadvertently triggers her insecurities regarding body image. While she supports his health journey, the constant comparisons and discussions about fitness metrics make her feel inadequate. They reach an understanding to keep Fitbit talk to a minimum, allowing her to focus on her own path toward body positivity.
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