When it comes to my mental health, the most common question I receive is how I manage during tough times. The honest answer? I don’t manage very well at all.
There are days when I find myself spending countless hours in bed, feeling completely zoned out. Eating and drinking become secondary, and even the simplest acts, like moving, feel monumental. My college classes are scheduled for Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, and no matter how I’m feeling, I still have to show up. It might sound unappealing, but there are times when I wear the same clothes for an entire week. So, when I do go to college, it’s obvious to others that I’ve let my hygiene slip. I don’t brush my hair or take the time to wash up; I just get out of bed and go as I am.
During these challenging periods, my personal hygiene is what I find most distressing. Spending days in the same outfit starts to weigh on a person, but the worst part is often going a week or longer without a shower or washing up. I recognize that it’s unpleasant, but the truth is, I can’t stand to be alone with my thoughts. The urge to self-harm intensifies in those moments.
I’ve walked into college with greasy hair and unwashed skin, feeling like I’ve been living in a junkyard. It’s a state that I find repulsive, yet at that moment, I feel indifferent. The sheer effort it takes just to exist drains me to the point where I can’t summon enough energy to meet my basic needs.
The reality of living with mental illness can be grim and unsettling, but I hope I’m not alone in this experience. Speaking out about it has been a step towards healing, and I hold on to the hope that I will eventually learn to cope better when my mental health declines.
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In summary, dealing with mental illness can lead to neglecting personal care, which is a harsh reality for many. It’s important to recognize these struggles and reach out for support when needed.
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