For us, everything changed in an instant. That fateful night of our first kiss marked the beginning of our rebirths. As our lips met, we realized that our pasts were behind us. It was a kiss that whispered, “I love you,” and when those words followed soon after, we understood that our lives were on the brink of a profound transformation.
Despite our certainty about our feelings, we were still two women in committed relationships. Yet within a month, our worlds had been entirely reshaped. The time that followed was filled with unraveling and self-discovery in ways we had never anticipated.
I ended my engagement just two days before defending my doctoral dissertation. A few weeks later, I had to explain my change of heart to my fiancé. I told him that my feelings had faded long before I met her, but fear had kept me silent. He struggled to accept that our relationship was already fragile; my actions only deepened his doubts. They say actions speak louder than words, yet I believe fear can shout the loudest—I was paralyzed by the thought of leaving my kind, stable partner for someone I had only just met.
For both of us, this was the end of a long chapter and the abrupt beginning of a new one. We moved out of the apartment we had shared for over four years, leaving behind our plans for a shared future. We had given notice on our rental, mere weeks away from closing on our first home together. But those dreams were dashed; I halted everything in its tracks. I returned the engagement ring, while he insisted I keep the gift he had given me for completing my doctorate, despite my request for him not to attend my defense.
That month felt like a guillotine cutting through our relationship; by the end, we no longer saw each other and had no need to communicate. We were untangled, no longer each other’s partners.
There’s a harsh reality in recognizing that your pursuit of genuine happiness is hurting another person, possibly shattering them. You have to trust that they will find their own joy eventually, even if they believe it was you who caused their pain. You witness a level of desperation in them that you’ve never seen before, a frantic, child-like search for a way to prevent the inevitable, knowing deep down that it’s simply not an option.
I was certain our relationship had run its course, that we were never meant to last forever; in fact, we may have long since passed our expiration date. One of the hardest aspects of choosing a vibrant love over the calm and stable relationship I had known was that my grief had a different timeline than his—it was mine alone to bear. For years before I left, I mourned the relationship that could have been, yearning for it to be the fairytale I had always envisioned. I wanted us to be that couple—high school sweethearts who weathered every storm and ended up together at 90, like in The Notebook.
Yet, we were never destined to be that love story. Together, we lacked the connection necessary to forge a lasting bond. As I gradually realized that the life I had envisioned would never materialize, I grieved the loss of a future that I wasn’t even sure existed, but desperately hoped it did. In that uncertainty, I remained in a life that felt increasingly untenable.
But when my dream became reality, all at once, it felt entirely right. It was as if the answers to my childhood questions cascaded over me like an unexpected wave, pulling me under until I could barely breathe. When I surfaced, I felt more alive than ever.
At this stage, grieving felt like a waste. I had been given a sacred chance for rebirth and couldn’t squander it worrying about what might have been. Everything had shifted; the tidal wave of change had washed over me, and I was ready to embrace it.
People often ask why May 26, 2012, holds such significance for us. The answer is simple: that night was the wave that reshaped our lives, powerful and unwavering. Just as you wouldn’t ask the ocean to revert to its previous state, it would have been foolish for us to wish for anything different.
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Summary
In this heartfelt exploration of love and transformation, Dr. Mia recounts her experience of falling in love with another woman while navigating the complexities of ending a long-term relationship. The narrative highlights the emotional turmoil of grief and the journey toward authentic happiness, ultimately celebrating the power of love to change lives.
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