By: Lila Thompson
Published: Feb. 16, 2018
When my husband, Ryan, is away for work, the house feels less like home—our family feels incomplete. I long for his return, anticipating shared parenting responsibilities and his delightful company. I miss the comfort of his smile, his embrace, and our evening chats over tea on the couch after a long day.
However, when he finally comes back from a trip, instead of joy, I often find myself consumed by anger, resentment, and confusion, with a list of complaints. The dryer is misplaced, the laundry basket is overflowing, and the dinner I prepared is either late or not to his liking. The chaos seems to multiply: my two-year-old is wearing his baby brother’s pants, and breakfast consists of croissants (can you believe they’re mostly butter?) instead of the healthy porridge I planned. The toddler has already had two accidents because he was too busy enjoying time with Daddy to remember the potty.
As the two-year-old alternates between playfighting and demanding to be carried, I come downstairs in my pajamas, cradling the baby, only to be met with Ryan’s warm smile, while I can’t help but scowl. I often forget that these transitions can be the hardest part of our dynamic.
While he is away, I establish a routine to keep things running smoothly. I create my own sanctuary—my mother cave—organizing everything around me and finding calm amidst the chaos. I learn the perfect timing to dress my toddler, avoiding tantrums while managing the baby’s fussiness. I know what’s in the fridge and how to whip up meals that work for both kids.
My Bedtime Routine Becomes a Well-Oiled Machine:
- 5 PM: Dinner
- 5:30 PM: Clean up while the kids are still in a post-food high
- 6 PM: Pajama time, with promises of cartoons for cooperation
- 6:30 PM: Netflix time with my toddler, followed by the baby’s final feed
- 7 PM: Squeeze in a quick yoga session if I can
- 7:30 PM: Brush teeth, read stories, and tuck the older one in
- 8 PM: Finally, peace! I put the kettle on and hope for a few moments of quiet before the baby wakes.
I rely on this system to keep my sanity intact. When Ryan returns and does things his way, it feels like he’s undermining the structure I’ve worked hard to establish. He becomes the fun-loving parent, while I feel like the responsible, less exciting one. The peace that fills our home after bedtime gets disrupted by his bustling around with chores or movie time.
Having been on my own for a while, I forget that parenting is a partnership. I neglect to communicate and realize I still need my “me time”—the moments of silence when the kids are asleep. I also forget how rare it is to have a husband who willingly irons.
Eventually, we both need to recalibrate. Time is often what it takes to adjust to a new rhythm. I may make a passive-aggressive comment about his laundry skills, and he quietly reminds me, “This isn’t how we talk to each other.” It’s true, and I take a moment to reflect. I start to breathe, loosening my grip on control and allowing a new rhythm to develop.
We reconnect over cups of tea, with our conversations frequently interrupted by baby burps and demands from our toddler. We share glasses of wine by the fire once the kids are asleep. I discover new avenues for my “me time” through solo walks, yoga workshops, and drawing classes. I begin to appreciate the croissants, the joyful play with our toddler, and the luxury of not having to cook dinner. Yes, I even find gratitude for the ironing.
Eventually, the laundry gets done, the books find their places, and our house gradually returns to feeling like home again.
For those navigating similar challenges, consider exploring resources like American Pregnancy for valuable insights into pregnancy and home insemination, or check out CryoBaby’s home intracervical insemination kit for practical tools. If you’re looking to boost your fertility, you might find helpful suggestions in our post on fertility supplements.
Summary
Navigating life with a partner traveling for work can be challenging, filled with unique routines and adjustments. While one parent may feel overwhelmed and in control, the return of the other can disrupt the established rhythm. However, with communication, patience, and a little recalibration, it’s possible to rediscover balance and appreciation for each other.
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