Recently, I stumbled upon a discussion in a parenting group where several adults suggested addressing a toddler’s biting behavior by retaliating—by biting the child back, flicking their mouth, or even using hot sauce. Rather than responding with understanding, education, or empathy, these parents advocated for punitive measures that essentially introduce violence into a child’s learning process.
Soon after, I was confronted with the heartbreaking news of a school shooting, where young students were seen evacuating their classrooms in fear. This tragic event left me pondering the broader issue of violence that seems to permeate our society—ranging from mass shootings to domestic abuse and toxic masculinity.
Reflecting on my own experiences, I recalled a day five years ago when I was pregnant with my son. I sat at my desk, tears streaming down my face, as I watched the news coverage of the Sandy Hook tragedy. Now, as I sit here six months pregnant with my daughter, I find myself haunted by a similar sense of despair as I witness children fleeing from yet another act of senseless violence.
In the years since Sandy Hook, over 400 individuals have been shot in more than 200 school shootings. This grim statistic raises an important question: how can we be surprised by the number of emotionally troubled individuals who inflict harm on others when our societal norms still permit children to experience violence from their caregivers from an early age?
I want to clarify that I’m not suggesting a direct correlation like “if you spank your child, they will become a school shooter.” Such statements oversimplify a complex issue. What I am proposing is that when a young child expresses frustration through behaviors like hitting or biting, and our response is to hit, bite, or shame them, we are laying a dangerous groundwork.
We are essentially teaching them that the world is unsafe, and that expressing feelings can lead to harm. The toddler who is bitten back may grow into a three-year-old who is punished for accidents, and eventually a ten-year-old who learns to hide their misbehavior to avoid consequences rather than developing a genuine moral compass guided by empathy and understanding.
As that ten-year-old matures into a fifteen-year-old navigating high school, they are suddenly faced with a world full of choices, temptations, and pressures without the foundational emotional intelligence needed to make healthy decisions.
I’m not here to dictate parenting styles, and while I personally wish people would reconsider corporal punishment, I understand that people hold strong beliefs about discipline. However, it’s vital to recognize that a child’s behavior is often a form of communication. Children are not inherently “bad”; rather, their actions convey messages about their needs and feelings.
When we resort to punishment as the sole means of resolution, we miss the crucial opportunity to connect with our children and understand their emotional landscapes. By fostering open communication, we teach them to manage their feelings, solve problems, and seek non-violent solutions.
As we continue to debate the roots of our society’s violence—blaming everything from guns to mental health—we often overlook our own parenting practices. Tonight, I encourage you to look at your children and consider their vulnerability. Reflect on the messages you might be sending them through your reactions and interactions—messages about their worth, safety, and trust in their caregivers.
These small, everyday actions can significantly shape who our children become.
If you’re interested in exploring more about family-building options, you can check out this excellent resource at Resolve. For those considering at-home insemination, you might find helpful insights in our post about the BabyMaker at Home Insemination Kit. Additionally, our discussion on the Couples’ Fertility Journey for Intracervical Insemination might be of interest.
In summary, our interactions with our children are pivotal in shaping their emotional development and their understanding of the world. By fostering empathy and open communication, we can help create a future generation better equipped to handle their emotions and conflicts without resorting to violence.
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