I stumbled upon a blog this week by a woman expressing her frustration over constantly having to remind her husband about household chores. It’s a familiar theme—a recurring joke among women who feel like they have to manage another child. Friends of mine often can’t enjoy a night out without receiving a barrage of texts asking about diaper locations, pasta boiling instructions, and which PJs belong to which kid. I even know a mom who, when her babies were little, woke up early every weekend while her husband stayed in bed. How did we let this become normal?
Part of the issue might be that we tend to share our grievances more than our victories. Women readily bond over the annoying habits of their partners, often rolling their eyes at the checkout line, while we’re less inclined to celebrate the good stuff. I totally get it—nobody enjoys a braggart. But if we only focus on the negatives, we inadvertently lower the expectations for our partners. It becomes a competition of “At least my husband doesn’t ___ like Ann’s does,” or “At least my guy is more ___ than Sally’s.”
Let’s face it: comparing ourselves to others is human nature. Venting about our frustrations can be therapeutic, but we need to balance that with recognition of the positive traits in our partners. Men are just as capable of handling household tasks and parenting as women. They are our partners, not our children. You’re not their supervisor, and they shouldn’t need a daily checklist. They can figure out the dishes and laundry on their own.
Got dirty dishes? Bill can grab a sponge. Laundry piling up? Tom knows where the washing machine is. Baby needs a change? Ted can handle it. Let them step up and manage things without your constant oversight. If they’re out of practice, stop doing some tasks for a while. They’ll soon notice. And when they ask why the laundry isn’t done, simply respond, “I thought it was your turn this week since I’ve been doing it the last 635 times!”
If you keep setting the bar so low, don’t be shocked when they take it easy. If every time they do a chore you act like they’ve achieved something monumental, they’ll think they’re nailing it as a partner. But that’s not the case; it’s just a low standard.
I know this is possible because my husband is genuinely stepping up as a partner. And no, I’m not bragging—he’s not perfect. We certainly have our share of disagreements, but we never argue over chores. We don’t keep score. He’s an adult, and I’m not here to mother him. When I go out, I never worry about getting calls asking how to do something—he either knows or figures it out. That’s adulting. We appreciate each other’s efforts, but he doesn’t get special recognition for every little thing he does.
We’re all exhausted from the kids, and we shouldn’t have to adopt grown men who act like toddlers. Little ones are watching us, and if we’re teaching them about gender equality and women’s empowerment, those lessons need to be reflected at home. My kids understand that both parents contribute. They see me cooking every night, but they also see Dad cleaning up. They know I handle most of the vacuuming, but Dad takes on different responsibilities. This household and these children are a shared effort.
So, ladies, unless your husband is showering you with praise every time you do a chore, stop making a big deal out of his contributions. If you have a husband who pulls his weight, share that with your friends. We’re quick to point out their annoying habits, so let’s balance the narrative.
Maybe, just maybe, if we raise our expectations, they’ll rise to the occasion. They can be pretty amazing when given the chance. For more insights on family building, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
This article discusses the common frustrations women express about their husbands’ lack of participation in household chores. It emphasizes the importance of treating partners as equals rather than children and the need for women to balance their grievances with acknowledgment of their husbands’ contributions. Raising expectations can lead to improved partnership dynamics.
Leave a Reply