As I watch the astonished faces of onlookers taking in my four daughters, I know exactly what’s coming. After nearly ten years of this, I brace myself for the inevitable remarks.
“Four girls?! Wow, you must have your hands full. Poor Dad, he’s really outnumbered. Are you planning to try for a boy?” The cashier’s sympathetic gaze is hard to miss as she eagerly awaits my response.
“I truly feel fortunate to have all girls,” I respond with forced cheer, hoping my tight smile conveys my desire to end the conversation. But she doesn’t catch the hint.
“Just wait until they hit their teenage years,” she jokes. “Poor daddy!” Without engaging further, I take my receipt and usher my girls toward the door.
“Mommy?” my seven-year-old inquires, her brow furrowing in confusion. “Why do people always say ‘poor daddy’ and ask if we’re having a boy? Are girl babies not as good? Is daddy upset we’re not boys?”
Frustration wells up inside me. Her sister posed a similar question last year, and I can’t help but wonder how long it will be before my youngest starts to think the same way. I force a smile. “Not at all; your daddy loves having all girls. I do too!”
“Well, it seems like a lot of people don’t think it’s great,” she says, still frowning. After multiple such encounters that day—our record is eight during one outing—I understand her concern.
This is the heart of my struggle. Wherever we go, people feel the need to comment. Out of countless remarks we’ve received, I can count on one hand the number of times someone has offered a compliment about my daughters all being the same gender.
Interestingly, my sister, Lisa, has four sons. “We face the same thing all the time. People express sympathy, joke about trying for a girl. While I would have loved to have had a daughter, I wouldn’t trade my boys for anything.”
I recognize that most people don’t intend to be hurtful; they’re often just trying to chat. But words carry significant weight. For a small child who sees sympathetic expressions and hears condolences, those words can feel heavy.
My friend, Sarah, has three boys. “I always dreamed of having a little girl. We would love to try again, but it’s just not feasible financially. Every time someone asks if we’ll try for a girl, it just brings the hurt back.”
Before having children, I had my own expectations for what family life would look like, imagining the milestones I thought I’d share with both a son and a daughter. My husband felt the same. He envisioned teaching a son about things like opening doors for ladies or shaving. Yet, he adores our daughters.
Ultimately, it signifies that we are growing older, and a chapter of our lives is closing. We often dream of diverse futures, but having all children of the same gender means letting go of the possibility of raising a child of the opposite gender. It takes time to accept that reality. I prayed for girls with every pregnancy, so I’m grateful for my daughters. However, it took time to come to terms with never raising a little boy.
Whether you’re thrilled to have all children of one gender or not, they are your beloved kids. I believe families with children of the same gender would be much happier without unsolicited comments from strangers. Unbeknownst to many, our kids are listening, and it can be painful.
Yes, we do present quite the spectacle when we show up, often draped in pink and adorned with tutus and crowns. But unless you’re ready to give us a thumbs-up and celebrate our all-girl crew, I’d prefer you keep your opinions to yourself.
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In summary, while raising four daughters comes with its challenges, it also brings immeasurable joy. The unsolicited comments from others can be disheartening, but our family is filled with love and gratitude for the girls we have.
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