The most common reaction I received when I shared the news of my separation was, “But you two were such a wonderful couple!” Hearing this made me uneasy because who truly understands the dynamics of a relationship unless they are living it? Furthermore, why is it assumed that separating means we are no longer good people? Can’t we continue being good individuals even apart?
I consider myself fortunate because I can sincerely say my ex-partner, Mark, is a genuinely good man. I understand the allure others saw in us; we had a magnetic energy that drew people in. Friends enjoyed our company, knowing they’d have a great time around us—we were open, authentic, and full of life. Together, we radiated positivity, making others feel comfortable and engaged. We appeared to be driven and relatable.
However, once the gatherings ended and we returned to our home life, we often found ourselves retreating to our separate corners. While Mark pursued his ambitions centered around financial success, my aspirations were more soulful. I craved a deeper connection to spirituality, whereas he was uninterested in exploring that side of himself. On Sundays, Mark would immerse himself in football, which usually meant I was responsible for entertaining the kids. When I could, I would sneak away to write—my genuine passion—while he engaged with his sports. Despite my efforts to support him and partake in his interests, it was clear that sports were his domain.
Our disconnect was profound. The old saying “opposites attract” might have applied at first, but as time passed, we found little common ground. We became like two ships sailing past one another in the night, ultimately turning into strangers. Our shared joys revolved around our children and friends, and while those moments brought happiness, they could not sustain our marriage. Without nurturing our bond, it eventually withered.
Despite being “good people”—truly, two remarkable individuals—we weren’t good together. From an outsider’s perspective, we functioned like a well-oiled machine, excelling at life by ignoring our challenges. But we weren’t machines; we were evolving humans with changing needs. We finally recognized that both of us deserved to seek happiness, even if that meant parting ways.
I have always known my worth. I am a good person, without a doubt. Yet, when I made the difficult choice to leave my marriage, some people labeled me in unflattering ways. Within the marriage, I was the dependable friend, the go-to support during crises—a role I embraced wholeheartedly. I balanced graduate studies, a part-time job, volunteering at my kids’ schools, and maintaining my husband’s happiness.
However, once I announced our separation, many of those same friends vanished. The same individuals who once celebrated life’s moments with me were now conspicuously absent. It was as if the title of “best friend” had an expiration date. I faced judgment and alienation from those I thought would stand by me, just because two good people were no longer together.
Yet, separating from someone who is good can be an emotionally complex experience. It can evoke confusion and doubt, tempting you to return to a life that, while unfulfilling, feels familiar. There were days when retreating into the past seemed easier, but ultimately, we both knew it wasn’t the right path.
Today, we continue to be devoted parents to our beautiful children and maintain a friendship grounded in respect and love. We remain good people, both then and now. To anyone embarking on a similar journey, I would say: “No matter what others might say, don’t let them convince you that you’re anything less than good, even as you move forward.” Your story and your relationship are uniquely yours.
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In summary, the journey of two good people parting ways is undoubtedly complex, but it doesn’t negate their individual goodness. We can find fulfillment and happiness apart while still cherishing the love we once had.
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