“I feel like I’m a superhero.” That innocent remark sparked a heated debate at a family summer barbecue. My partner, Mark, spun around in his chair, eyes wide with shock, “Are you implying that I do nothing?!” That was not my intention at all.
My comment was misunderstood, leading to a whirlwind of emotions. Why was he so upset? It escalated quickly, with men lamenting their lack of appreciation and women voicing their exhaustion.
What I meant was straightforward. Mark—who is a caring, engaged father and a wonderful man (I hope he reads this)—simply doesn’t juggle as many tasks in a day as I do. This isn’t a knock against him or his role as a parent; it just highlights the reality of our different daily experiences.
My day kicks off at 6:15 a.m. when the alarm jolts me from the scant five hours of sleep I managed. By 6:25 a.m., I’m already in a flurry, racing to prepare breakfast while also getting my daughter’s school uniform and lunch box ready—of course, I didn’t plan ahead the night before. It feels like time speeds up as I scramble to dress and call out reminders to my daughter about her shoes and breakfast—again. One last check of her backpack to avoid sending her in a track suit, mistaking Pajama Day for Sports Day (that was awkward).
By 7:30 a.m., I’m bolting out the door with half-done hair, racing to the car to make it to school on time. It’s a relief when the security guard acknowledges my punctual arrival—just a reminder that I’m not even on my way to work yet.
Meanwhile, Mark’s morning routine begins at 7:00 a.m. He wakes up, showers, dresses, spritzes on cologne, and heads out the door—quick and easy.
By 7 p.m., when I finally return home, the living room is transformed into a chaotic play zone, with toys, crafts, and my makeup scattered everywhere, as the Disney Channel plays in the background. At least dinner is ready. It has been 13 hours since I woke up, and I’m exhausted. Even my lunch break was filled with errands. I hope my daughter has completed her homework, but to my frustration, both she and Mark are waiting for me to start it.
At 9:15 p.m., my body aches. I read a bedtime story to my daughter, who won’t fall asleep unless I’m lying next to her. All the while, where is Mark? Relaxing on the couch, binge-watching Netflix. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I watched anything that wasn’t rated Y7.
After a brief moment of alone time together, he happily heads to bed while I try to gather my thoughts and find some peace at midnight. I check my emails, write, browse online, meditate, and by 1:30 a.m., I call it a night.
And then the cycle begins again at 6:15 a.m.
This might seem inconsiderate or lazy on Mark’s part, but that’s not the case. He does pick up our child from school, plays with her, prepares meals, and helps with homework most of the time. If I raise my voice loud enough, he even tidies up before I get home. It’s not that I don’t appreciate his efforts; it’s just that he has more time for himself. He can take moments for self-care because he relies on my superhero capabilities.
Moms often feel the pressure to ensure every aspect of our children’s lives is taken care of, and we give 110% of ourselves selflessly. We work hard to excel in our careers, aiming to make a name for ourselves. As partners, we strive for nurturing relationships, maintaining a clean home, and fostering friendships that allow for some much-needed venting over a glass of wine.
We want it all and do our best to achieve it, often at the expense of our own well-being. Balancing the many facets of life can be overwhelming and exhausting. So yes, we embrace our roles as superheroes—not to diminish anyone else’s contributions, but to acknowledge the extraordinary feats we accomplish daily.
This article was originally published on Feb. 27, 2018.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the day-to-day challenges and responsibilities mothers face compared to fathers. It highlights the often unrecognized burdens mothers carry while balancing work, parenting, and personal needs. The discussion emphasizes the need for recognition and appreciation for the multifaceted roles women play in family life.
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