It’s late at night, and although you know you should be sleeping, you find yourself mindlessly scrolling through Facebook. Suddenly, you come across a post from your friend, a supermom of five who juggles homeschooling with a thriving writing career. She’s shared breathtaking photos of herself and her husband sharing a kiss in front of a priest, surrounded by their five beautiful children, all dressed impeccably for the occasion. The caption reads: “6th time renewing our vows, I feel so blessed to have spent six amazing years with this man. I’ll choose you every year until the end of time.” In that moment, it feels as though you’ve been hit in the gut.
As you process the fact that your friend and her husband celebrate their love so elaborately each year, you can’t help but compare it to your own marriage, which has seen better days. After nearly 14 years together, you realize that you can count the number of date nights on one hand, and the knot in your stomach grows tighter.
In the first few moments, shame washes over you, but quickly morphs into criticism of your friend’s seemingly perfect life. Yet, as you gaze at the post, all those insecurities about your own shortcomings come rushing back. It’s a cycle of envy, judgment, and self-doubt. The core of these unsettling feelings lies in the anxiety surrounding your own marriage troubles and the guilt of feeling overwhelmed with parenting.
Unfortunately, social media can amplify these feelings. You may relate to the loneliness that hits when you see a friend enjoying a night out with new mom pals or when another mother showcases a Pinterest-perfect birthday party for her child, reminding you of the one you couldn’t even manage to throw this year. It’s even more painful when your fitness-focused friend posts yet another sunrise yoga session, making you feel heavier because you haven’t hit the gym in months.
A dear friend of mine, a mother of three, confided that seeing my photos from a family trip to Disney plunged her into a week-long funk, as she felt like a failure for not being able to afford a similar experience for her family. Whatever the trigger is, you are not alone; many have felt this way. Research from UK charity Scope found that 62% of social media users feel inadequate and 60% experience jealousy because of comparisons with others.
The truth is, motherhood naturally sets us up for feelings of inadequacy. Why? Because it’s the only role where we don’t receive any monetary compensation or tangible rewards for our efforts. Even unpaid internships provide some sort of acknowledgment—a line on your resume that can lead to better opportunities. Wouldn’t it be nice if motherhood offered similar rewards? Instead, we labor tirelessly for the small, often intangible joys like heartfelt drawings or hugs from our kids. While these moments are precious, the absence of clear recognition can lead to self-doubt.
In traditional settings, whether in school or the workplace, achievements are usually rewarded with grades, paychecks, or praise from superiors. When it comes to motherhood, we often go unrecognized, leading to feelings of longing for acknowledgment. And that’s where social media comes in.
I recently came across a meme that said, “Oh, that’s so cute how you misspell bragging as #blessed.” It made me laugh, as it seemed to validate my own judgmental thoughts. However, it also made me reflect on how we all curate our lives on social media. As mothers, we often share only the best moments—the cute pictures, the highlights of our parenting journey, and the rare selfies that showcase our best selves. We’re all seeking recognition for our hard work.
Instead of critiquing one another, maybe we should remember that the seemingly perfect mom you see online, celebrating her child’s achievements, is likely navigating her own challenges and just wants someone to recognize her efforts. We all crave that reassurance.
So, the next time you scroll and feel those familiar pangs of jealousy, take a moment to breathe and consider the times you’ve needed affirmation that you’re doing well. Let’s lift each other up and acknowledge the hard work we all put into motherhood. After all, we are all doing our best, and we deserve to be recognized for it.
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In summary, social media can sometimes exacerbate feelings of inadequacy among mothers, as we navigate the challenges of parenting without clear rewards or recognition. It’s essential to remember that everyone faces their struggles, and lifting each other up can make the journey of motherhood feel a little less lonely.
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