Recently, I asked my daughter to react to a situation “as a human.” As those words left my lips, I found myself questioning whether my expectations had sunk so low that I needed to remind her to engage in something so inherently human. Yet, in today’s social media-driven world, where the teenage mind is constantly bombarded with curated images and messages, it’s vital to make this reminder a part of our teachings.
I’ve been wary of smartphones, often reflecting on how my own mood shifts while scrolling through social media. Having worked with adolescents as their counselor, I’ve observed the profound effects that online platforms can have on their self-esteem and mental health. I’ve noticed a pattern where clients, without any prompting, mention how removing Snapchat from their phones significantly improved their morning mindset. They often talk about the insecurities that arise while scrolling through pictures of seemingly perfect friend groups. Just mentioning the phrase “friend group” elicits a wave of relatable feelings among teens—especially that nagging thought that “everyone else has one except me.”
This realization has shaped my approach to parenting. I recall an incident involving two high school girls who ended up in a physical confrontation. I remember witnessing something similar at my son’s age; it was shocking and alarming, filled with questions: Will they be alright? Is someone going to step in? What should I do?
While my son didn’t witness the fight firsthand, a crowd of onlookers did what they’ve been conditioned to do—they recorded it. He shared the first video someone had circulated on social media, and I could hear laughter in the background. It was that awkward, nervous giggle we all recognize, a reaction to being overwhelmed. The sight of numerous cellphones raised like a concert audience made my heart sink.
As I watched the footage, I felt that familiar mix of fear and anxiety from my own youth, but with the perspective of an adult, I couldn’t help but feel for those kids. Would they carry this moment as trauma? How would they process their emotions? I often teach my clients about how trauma transforms our perceptions, how safety can become questionable. How would these young people return to class feeling secure and confident after such an event?
I was relieved when my son said he would reach out to check on one of the girls involved. I hoped she recognized his sincerity, and I applauded his bravery. I thought about the narrative she might be constructing around this incident, her emotions, and wished for her to have someone capable of helping her process it all so she could learn and heal.
The following day, I casually asked my son if the kids were still discussing the fight. He showed me a series of videos where peers had added humorous captions and silly effects, attempting to transform a serious event into something lighthearted. While I understood the impulse to cope by making it feel fictional and less daunting, I couldn’t bring myself to see the humor. I found myself urging my son to respond authentically. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, scared, or sad—these feelings are part of being human. But let’s not mask them with cleverness.
We hear frequently that smartphones diminish our vulnerability. Instead of seeking real connections or facing uncomfortable feelings, it’s all too easy to escape into an app. Just last month, a segment on The Today Show highlighted how screen time might affect adolescent brain development and their engagement in extracurricular activities.
As a therapist, I witness how people turn to their phones to numb their emotions, seeking validation through likes or views. Yet, I also see how true resilience and authentic vulnerability can empower individuals. When we allow discomfort to swell instead of suppressing it, we not only survive but also grow. Therefore, I will continue to encourage my children to embrace their feelings, even when they are painful or awkward or lonely. They will learn to endure the discomfort and emerge stronger the next time their emotional resilience is tested.
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Summary
Encouraging our teens to embrace vulnerability is essential in today’s digital world. As they navigate their emotions and the pressures of social media, it’s important for them to learn to face discomfort and grow from it. By fostering authentic connections and allowing them to feel their feelings, we help them build resilience for the future.
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