As a first-time mom, I was filled with anxiety about many aspects of motherhood, particularly breastfeeding. Abundant advice led me to believe that breastfeeding was essential for bonding with my baby and that formula was something to be avoided at all costs. However, my experience was far from what I anticipated.
In those initial weeks with my son, I grappled with feelings of dread every time I nursed him. It was a confusing and isolating time until I stumbled upon a blog written by a relatable mom who shed light on the less-discussed aspects of breastfeeding, including a condition called D-MER.
Sitting in my nursing chair, I discovered that my distress was not a personal failing. Each time my milk let down, I felt an overwhelming wave of anxiety, anger, and even a sense of homesickness. This was attributed to Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (D-MER), a condition that many may not be familiar with. According to the Australian Breastfeeding Association, “D-MER involves negative emotions that occur just before the milk ejection reflex during breastfeeding or expressing.”
Research from D-MER.org, a site founded by lactation consultant Alia Macrina Heise, explains that D-MER is linked to a sudden drop in dopamine levels during milk release, leading to these unpleasant feelings. Importantly, it’s not the mother’s fault, and simply pushing through is not a solution.
Despite my self-diagnosis, I continued to breastfeed my first child without seeking help from my doctor. After five months, he stopped nursing, so I switched to pumping for an additional seven months, all while still experiencing D-MER symptoms. I should have reached out for assistance, but I didn’t.
When my second child arrived, I was better prepared and found distractions while breastfeeding. This time, it was manageable, and I managed to nurse for ten months before my supply dwindled.
By the time my third child was born, I was determined to tackle D-MER head-on. I was on medication for anxiety and depression, and I felt ready. For the first three months, everything went smoothly—until it didn’t. I started experiencing panic attacks, and my mental health declined. After seeking help, I made the decision to stop breastfeeding at six months postpartum.
Now, at 22 weeks pregnant with my fourth child, I’ve made a conscious choice not to breastfeed. I firmly believe that “fed is best,” and my partner has been incredibly supportive of my decision. Together, we’ve prioritized what feels right for our family, and thankfully, my OBGYN and psychiatrist are also on board. There’s been no judgment—only praise for choosing what’s best for me.
It’s essential to remember that breastfeeding isn’t the right path for everyone. Whether you struggle with D-MER or have other reasons for not nursing, trust your instincts. If you suspect you are experiencing D-MER, don’t hesitate to reach out to your doctor for support.
For more information on pregnancy and related topics, check out Women’s Health for valuable resources. And if you’re considering alternative routes to parenthood, learn more about home insemination kits and explore this 21-piece at-home insemination kit for guidance.
Summary:
D-MER is a challenging condition that can make breastfeeding a distressing experience for some mothers. Understanding and seeking help are crucial steps for those affected. It’s important to recognize that breastfeeding isn’t for everyone, and making informed decisions that prioritize your well-being and that of your family is what truly matters.
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