I come from a rather large extended family. Both my parents have siblings, and most of those siblings have kids. Additionally, I have four half-siblings from my dad’s previous relationships. Despite this, I find myself lacking a significant connection with my relatives beyond my immediate family.
As a child, my parents would often encourage me to spend time with my cousins, who were close in age. While we occasionally had fun, it often felt forced and awkward. The idea of being friends simply because we were cousins never sat right with me, and as we grew older, I distanced myself from those interactions.
Many people lament their lack of closeness with family, but I don’t find it troubling. I detest superficial relationships, and being close solely due to familial ties is a prime example. I know several friends who enjoy strong bonds with their extended families, and while it appears delightful at times, it also seems fraught with complications. In tight-knit families, drama is practically inevitable—who dislikes whose partner, who feels overlooked, or the grandparent who shows favoritism can lead to blame and rifts. While smaller families face drama too, it’s easier to navigate when there are just a handful of people involved instead of a whole crowd.
Society often promotes the idea that family bonds are the strongest ones. We see it reflected in numerous TV shows—like Parenthood—where families gather for regular dinners, and everyone seems to get along. But how do they even manage to coordinate those gatherings? More importantly, how realistic is that portrayal? Sure, they may have their quarrels, but they resolve them conveniently within a few episodes. That may be true for some, but it certainly doesn’t reflect my experience.
Ultimately, family is what you make of it—whether related by blood or not. In today’s world, social media allows families to stay connected without necessitating a deep bond, which I find more practical, though still somewhat awkward. The superficial nature of connecting with family online suits me because it allows me to feel a sense of obligation without needing meaningful interactions. Yet even that can feel disingenuous at times.
I usually accept friend requests from family members, but sometimes the timing feels off. A few relatives reached out to me right after the birth of my child, some of whom I hadn’t interacted with since I was very young. I accepted a few requests in the excitement of new motherhood, but later felt uneasy and ended up unfriending them. If they weren’t interested in my life before my son was born, why the sudden interest now? It felt uncomfortable to let them in just because I had a child.
Some suggest that I should maintain these connections for my son’s benefit. However, I don’t feel inclined to do so. People may argue that I’m depriving him of a chance to know his family, but I believe if his relatives didn’t show interest in me before he was born, then why should I grant them access to his life now?
I’ve heard family members say things like, “Our elders would be disappointed to see us drifting apart.” Still, they don’t make genuine efforts to include everyone. When I receive an invitation to a formal event just weeks before it happens, I call foul. It feels unfair to invoke deceased relatives as a justification for family unity while still holding events I learn about through social media.
As I’ve matured, I’ve resolved not to chase anyone to be a part of my life, family or not. Call me ungrateful if you wish, but if someone wants to be in my life, they need to meet me halfway. I know that life happens and I can be bad at keeping in touch, but true family won’t hold it against me.
Do I sometimes wish for a closer relationship with my extended family? Absolutely. But I also recognize who truly supports me and my son. I’ve forged a wonderful surrogate family with friends who will always be there for us, and that’s what truly matters.
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Summary
This article discusses the author’s non-existent bond with their extended family, expressing contentment with the situation. It reflects on societal expectations of familial closeness, the awkwardness of social media connections, and the importance of chosen family and true support systems.
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