Ladies, take a seat. Prepare for a revelation that may surprise some: motherhood has a significant impact on your career. I apologize for my sarcasm, but I find it frustrating to see numerous articles circulating on social media claiming that the gender pay gap is primarily due to motherhood. Really, esteemed researchers? This isn’t news; it’s the reality for so many of us.
Take, for instance, a recent article in Vox that presents a striking chart illustrating how the gender wage gap can be attributed to the so-called ‘child care penalty.’ The article shows that wages for women and men are fairly equal until a woman becomes a mother. The author expresses astonishment that even in the most progressive Scandinavian countries, mothers still bear the brunt of child care responsibilities, which ultimately hinders their professional advancement.
I’ll pause here for mothers across the nation to roll their eyes in unison. “Tell us something we don’t already know,” they might say.
The article suggests two primary explanations for this phenomenon. The first points to societal norms that make it challenging for mothers to maintain their careers. As a result, mothers may miss out on certain job opportunities—like roles requiring extensive travel or long hours—due to the perception that they are the primary caregivers. The second explanation is biological, proposing that women have a natural inclination to prioritize child care activities.
I wouldn’t quite label it a preference; after all, no one relishes changing diapers or calming a fussy baby. But priorities do shift upon becoming a parent. When my partner and I decided to start a family, we understood my career might have to take a backseat. He was the main breadwinner, and one of us needed to be the available parent.
However, the moment I held my newborn in my arms, our economic decision transformed into an emotional one. Suddenly, that tiny, crying infant became my world, and no job could ever take precedence over him. I seriously contemplated quitting my job, though we still relied on the income I brought in, even after factoring in daycare costs.
The day I left my son at daycare for the first time was heart-wrenching. To ease my guilt, I promised myself he would never be the last child picked up and that I would attend every event. Thankfully, I have a supportive job with generous benefits, as well as a partner who helps with drop-offs and is actively involved. Still, I find myself juggling many responsibilities daily. I often resort to take-out meals, hire a cleaning service to maintain some semblance of order, and I occasionally spoil my child out of guilt.
My son seems to sense when I have a looming deadline—that’s when he inevitably falls ill. I’ve drafted entire reports at home during nap times and late at night, and I’ve taken work calls from the pediatrician’s parking lot or while preparing dinner. The reality is that my inability to travel or take on long commutes severely limits my career options.
I remember being devastated when a promotion opportunity arose shortly after my son turned six months old. I wanted that position and likely had a good chance of getting it, but I didn’t even apply because it involved too much travel. Sure, I could have spent a large portion of the salary on a nanny, but I couldn’t bear the thought of being away from my baby. After all, I had endured a challenging pregnancy for another caregiver to raise my child.
Ultimately, that decision was tough, yet straightforward, and I’ve never regretted it. The right opportunity did come along a few years later, a job I genuinely adore that offers even more flexibility than my previous role. Thankfully, as I prepare for baby number two, I’m aware that life will become even more hectic with two children in daycare and preschool.
I would welcome the chance to take six months of unpaid maternity leave or to return on a part-time basis. The last thing I want right now is a promotion, considering the added stress it would entail.
This is my experience of the so-called ‘child care penalty,’ a term I find frustrating. Calling it a penalty feels patronizing, as if there’s something shameful about embracing motherhood—something to be regretted. I wish there were more flexible work options and better maternity leave policies in our country. I lament the steep costs of quality child care, especially knowing that many women lack the choices I have.
But I don’t regret prioritizing my children. It’s a choice made from love. My most significant role isn’t the one that pays the bills but rather nurturing my children, teaching them the values of kindness and respect. That’s what motherhood is about for me.
For those interested in exploring options for starting a family, you might find valuable resources on home insemination at Make a Mom and Hopkins Medicine for pregnancy insights. Additionally, Impregnator has excellent products to aid in the journey.
In summary, the challenges of motherhood can create significant barriers to professional advancement, but it’s essential to recognize that these sacrifices are choices made from love, not penalties to be ashamed of.
Leave a Reply