“What on earth is happening?” I exclaimed after waking from a four-hour nap—the longest I had managed since my daughter’s birth just ten days prior. But deep down, I knew. My partner was comfortably seated in my nursing chair, bottle-feeding our newborn with the formula sample we’d received while I was pregnant.
“I thought you’d be okay with this,” he said. “You really needed the rest.” He was right; I was running on empty. Yet, a wave of anger surged within me.
“Stop it right now!” I rushed over, scooping up our baby and flinging that two-ounce bottle across the room. “You’re going to ruin my milk supply! She might get nipple confusion! What if she prefers formula over breast milk? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!”
“She was hungry!” he replied, looking confused. “And since when did you care this much about breast milk versus formula? I thought you were one of the ‘fed is best’ moms.”
He had a point. This obsession with breastfeeding was not part of my plan.
Throughout my pregnancy, whenever someone asked if I would breastfeed, I’d confidently say, “I’ll give it my best shot!” I took pride in being rational about it, understanding that my unborn daughter was an important factor. If breastfeeding worked, fantastic; if not, I would simply use formula. After all, many formula-fed kids grow up to be successful adults.
I had done my homework. I believed that the staunch advocates of breastfeeding were as extreme as those who avoid all alcohol, caffeine, sushi, and soft cheeses for nine months. Armed with insights from Emily Oster—the economist who challenged pregnancy guidelines—I was a laid-back mother-to-be, enjoying a glass of wine or a slice of prosciutto now and then without guilt. I wanted to carry that relaxed mindset into motherhood, trusting research that questioned the “breast is best” narrative, just as I had embraced Oster’s well-founded arguments during my pregnancy.
There’s a wealth of evidence that questions the idea that breast milk is essential for a baby’s health. In her book, The Case Against Breastfeeding, Hannah Rosin challenges the prevailing beliefs about breastfeeding, revealing that the scientific literature suggests it’s only marginally better than formula. The conclusions differ drastically from the extreme “breast is best” rhetoric often seen in popular discussions.
I also found powerful testimonials from women like Anna Ruiz, who boldly defy the stigma attached to formula feeding, mirroring my desire to be an empowered mother who forges her own path. I was supposed to embrace the alternative if breastfeeding became challenging (which it did), and to remain calm if I found my partner using formula.
So, why did I have such an intense reaction? Why did I suddenly become consumed by the desire to breastfeed exclusively? How did societal pressure seep into my mindset?
Breastfeeding is tough. Yet, rather than deterring me, the challenges I faced only intensified my determination to feed my baby exclusively from the breast. It seems baffling unless you consider the hormones involved. As Lisa Grace Byrne articulates, “Motherhood is filled with complex emotional experiences, each paired with corresponding physical and hormonal responses.”
While it’s easy to rationalize that breastfeeding isn’t the only healthy option, I realize now that I must acknowledge my biology. For reasons I can’t fully explain, there’s a strong urge within me to breastfeed, regardless of the difficulties in getting my baby to latch initially and the hassle of pumping at work six months later. Perhaps this instinct is what led me to motherhood in the first place.
Every time I see my partner looking at me with admiration while I nurse, I feel a sense of pride. The bonding moments filled with oxytocin when my baby snuggles against me are undeniably fulfilling.
In the end, I still believe every woman should choose what’s best for her child, regardless of societal expectations. However, I advise expectant mothers to enter parenthood without too many preconceived notions. Parenthood has a way of challenging your assumptions. Even if you resist societal norms, you may find yourself influenced by your own biology.
For more insights on this journey, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. And if you’re interested in exploring at-home options, you can learn more about artificial insemination kits here.
Summary:
This article explores the conflicting emotions of a new mother who initially planned to be a relaxed ‘fed is best’ parent but found herself deeply invested in exclusive breastfeeding. Despite believing in formula’s validity, hormonal influences and societal expectations led her to prioritize breastfeeding. The piece emphasizes the importance of personal choice in feeding and the unpredictable nature of motherhood.
Leave a Reply