All we desire is to welcome a son into our family. We’re specifically looking for a teenage boy aged 15 to 16. I have always dreamed of adopting an older child from foster care, and my husband, a high school educator, shares that preference. We know that teenagers face the risk of aging out of the system without a family to support them. As of September 2015, the Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System reported that 111,820 children in the U.S. were waiting to be adopted, with 19% of them between the ages of 13 and 18.
We’re open to adopting a teenage boy, regardless of race, and are committed to understanding and embracing the nuances of parenting children from diverse backgrounds. You’d think that given the high number of children needing homes in our state, the process would be straightforward. But that hasn’t been the case.
The expenses associated with our homestudy—evidence that our home is suitable for a child—have far exceeded our expectations. Thankfully, I have a well-paying side job in addition to being a stay-at-home parent. While I understand the necessity for the state to ensure that children are placed in safe and loving environments, it seems that many of the policies we navigate only serve to entangle us in a web of bureaucracy.
Window Requirements
Take the window requirements, for instance. According to state regulations, every bedroom must have windows that open to a minimum of 5 square feet due to fire safety concerns. Our one-story home’s windows fall short, measuring only about 4 square feet. This leaves us with two options: incur the significant expense of replacing the windows or install interconnected wireless smoke alarms, which, while less costly, still add up. After a conversation with the state fire marshal, we ended up spending around $250 on eight smoke alarms that screech at any hint of cooking.
Additionally, windows must be free of obstructions to the floor. This has forced us to invest several hundred dollars in rearranging our master bedroom to comply, as apparently, in the event of a fire, the state believes I couldn’t manage to climb over a simple shelf.
Pet Vaccinations
Then come the pet vaccinations. We have three dogs, and while we generally keep them up-to-date, certain vaccinations can sometimes lapse. Now, our health department requires complete vaccination records for each pet, which means we had to schedule costly vet visits to ensure compliance. This has added another $450 to our mounting expenses. You’d think that a rabies tag would suffice.
Physicals and Medication Security
We also had to schedule physicals for everyone in the household, which has been a hassle in itself. Social services misplaced my physical form, necessitating a repeat visit. This involved multiple copays for three children and three adults, not to mention the lab tests for TB. Furthermore, I needed a letter from my psychiatrist to confirm my medication adherence, as they require proof rather than a full evaluation of my parenting capabilities.
All medications must be secured, not just babyproofed. We were mandated to lock away all prescription and over-the-counter medications, which required purchasing two large toolboxes from Lowes—much cheaper than the actual medication lockboxes that can run upwards of $160 each. Now, if anyone wants an Advil in our house, they have to find the padlock key and dig through a toolbox.
Cleaning supplies and chemicals are also subject to the same locking requirements, even though the teenager we are adopting is certainly old enough to understand the dangers. And every electrical outlet must be covered, even those behind furniture, which has led to more unplanned expenses for babyproofing supplies.
The Emotional Toll
If we weren’t financially stable, we might have given up on this dream long ago. This doesn’t even factor in the basic necessities we need for welcoming another child—like a mattress, bedding, and furniture to accommodate him. The time spent taking off work to meet with social workers, and the gas required for trips back and forth to ensure our paperwork is seen by an actual person, only adds to the frustration.
The emotional toll is immense. I’ve cried over lost paperwork and felt anger when faced with the room modifications. It can be disheartening to imagine that the child we wish to adopt may feel unwanted while we navigate these hurdles. I fear that, like 14% of kids in foster care, he might be stuck in a group home, feeling as though no one cares.
I must hold onto hope, believing that my son is out there waiting for us. If we were less fortunate financially, we could have easily abandoned this process when faced with the requirement for interconnected smoke alarms. Unfortunately, many loving prospective parents do drop out due to these stringent regulations. We must work towards making it easier for children to find homes.
For more insights on the adoption process, including at-home insemination options, check out this post. It’s vital to keep our eyes on the goal and remember that children need homes.
Summary
The author shares their experience of the unexpected financial burdens associated with adopting a teenager from foster care. They describe the bureaucratic hurdles, including costly requirements for home safety, pet vaccinations, and physicals. Despite the challenges, the author remains hopeful about bringing their son home, emphasizing the need for a more compassionate and accessible adoption process.
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