When we moved to a new state recently, we encountered the usual worries. We needed enough bedrooms to prevent our kids from turning into bickering siblings. I had my heart set on a cul-de-sac for my free-range parenting dreams, while my partner insisted on a spacious, flat yard for baseball games and gardening. We had a preferred school district in mind and aimed to keep within a 35-minute commute to my partner’s workplace. And of course, while house hunting, we made it a priority to find the nearest Costco.
As a family of five, Costco is our go-to for all things essential: meats, fruits, toilet paper, laundry detergent, snacks for school and home, allergy medications, bottled water, diapers, eggs… the list goes on! Need wine? Buy it in bulk. Looking for a TV? Costco’s got you covered. Lawn chairs? Costco. Easter baskets? Costco. You get the picture.
Having frequented this wholesale haven weekly, I can confidently share the countless truths that come with being a devoted Costco shopper. Here are 12 realities that resonate with fellow enthusiasts.
- You may enter with a carefully crafted list and budget, only to chuckle at your naivety. You’ll inevitably spend an extra $256-$289 (trust me, this figure comes directly from the University of My Wallet).
- Despite entering for just chicken and hamburgers, you’ll walk out with a kitchen faucet, patio furniture, and five unread books—even though you don’t actually have a patio.
- If your kids are with you and you’ve promised them tasty samples for good behavior, prepare for disappointment. The only options will be salmon bites, beet soup, and wafer crackers, while the pizza and croissant-wrapped hot dogs vanish just as you arrive with your hangry toddler.
- You might still try those wafer crackers, awkwardly hovering as if considering a purchase, all to please the enthusiastic sample lady who reminds you of your grandma. But let’s be real—your family wouldn’t touch that stuff even with candy-flavored whipped cream on top!
- You might skip the crackers, but you’ll definitely toss at least one sample into your cart. Now you’re the proud owner of 94 egg rolls. Hope your family is ready for a month of faux Chinese cuisine!
- Don’t expect any assistance finding items. The only employees available are the elderly ones who know exactly where the dark chocolate or hummus is located, while the vast aisles remain a desert of lost souls.
- When you finally fall in love with a certain product, prepare for heartbreak when Costco decides to stop selling it. I’m still mourning the margarita chips I discovered back in 2015.
- If you give your child the receipt to hold, they will inevitably lose it in the brief moment between leaving the register and exiting the store, leading you straight to Costco jail for eternity.
- The Costco cafeteria offers unbeatable prices. Eating out as a family of five hits the wallet hard, so we often find ourselves at the picnic tables on weekends. The pizza slices are huge and just a couple bucks. Your kids will insist they can finish one, but after four bites, they’ll be full. Guess who’s left munching on the leftovers?
- As you toss a box of frozen tilapia into your cart—because you’re committed to eating healthier—your child will suddenly announce a bathroom emergency. They’ll drop their Transformer somewhere along the half-mile trek to the restroom, and you’ll never see it again, leading to yet another Costco meltdown.
- If you’ve got little ones, you’ll optimistically start your shopping trip with them contained in your cart, but soon enough, they’ll be wedged between laundry detergent and frozen chicken. Once freed, you’ll spend the rest of your time chasing them from sample station to sample station—while still searching for that lost Transformer.
- At checkout, the cashier will somehow convince you to upgrade to the more expensive “Elite Membership,” promising better deals on cars and vacations you’ll never actually buy.
Despite the hit to your wallet and the inevitable “sample brownie weight,” you’ll keep returning. On Saturday mornings, when you need chicken nuggets, a spring plant for Grandma, and a box of 5,000 baby wipes, where else would you want to be?
For more insights on family life, check out our other blog posts, including one on home insemination kits. If you’re looking for additional resources on pregnancy and home insemination, visit CCRM IVF for expert advice.
Summary:
Costco shopping is a unique experience filled with unexpected purchases, sample disappointments, and family chaos. From losing receipts to navigating the aisles with kids, every visit provides a blend of humor and reality for devoted shoppers. Despite the challenges, the unbeatable prices and vast selection keep families returning for more.
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