As someone who has battled anxiety for much of my life, the prospect of becoming a parent filled me with both excitement and trepidation. The thought of potentially passing my anxiety disorder onto my children was hard to shake. It might seem paradoxical that someone with anxiety would worry about instilling anxiety in their kids, but that’s the nature of the beast—it often spirals in on itself, making it a challenge to navigate everyday life. This heightened awareness can lead to overly cautious parenting.
I have three children—ages 10, 8, and 3—and I watch them closely, often wondering if they exhibit signs of anxiety. It’s a common concern among parents, particularly those who struggle with mental health issues. While keeping an eye on their safety is important, a recent study out of Australia and the Netherlands suggests that being overly protective might have unintended consequences, potentially leading to increased anxiety in children.
Research Insights
Researchers from Macquarie University’s Centre for Emotional Health, alongside colleagues from the University of Amsterdam and the University of Reading, surveyed 312 families with preschool-aged children. Their findings indicated that parents who engaged in Challenging Parent Behavior (CPB)—which includes encouraging safe risk-taking, such as playful roughhousing—had children with significantly lower anxiety levels.
As a father of two daughters and one son, this research made me reflect on my own parenting style. I often find myself treating my daughters more gently than my son. My son and I easily engage in rough and tumble play, while my daughters tend to immerse themselves in imaginative play, like pretending to be princesses. However, I learned from another study by the University of Newcastle that my daughters might actually enjoy more physical play just as much as their brother. Professor Richard Fletcher, a co-author, noted that many fathers were surprised to discover that their daughters liked roughhousing, realizing they had been treating them like princesses instead.
Reconsidering My Approach
This revelation prompted me to reconsider my approach. While I love playing princess with my daughters, I had not fully acknowledged their interest in more vigorous play. I don’t want to discourage their love for imaginative games, but I also want to introduce them to the benefits of rough and tumble play, which could be good for their future mental health.
It’s important to note that the second study primarily focused on fathers and daughters, but mothers can certainly join in on roughhousing, too. I’ve seen my partner effectively pin our son during playtime, proving that moms can be just as engaging in this type of play.
Incorporating Play Styles
Next time I’m wrestling with my son on the couch and my daughters enter dressed as princesses, I plan to invite them to join in. I might even enlist my partner, framing it as a quest where our son is a dragon that needs to be defeated. This way, I can respect their interests while also incorporating more physical activity into their playtime. Sure, my son may roll his eyes at the princess theme, but I’m confident that once we’re all laughing and playing together, it won’t matter.
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Ultimately, balancing play styles is essential for fostering healthy mental development in our children.
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